Anxiety

I have been covered in anxiety for the last 2 weeks. Seriously, it has kept me so warm at night I wake up in sweat.  For two weeks I have worried over a boy, my job, my co-workers, my co-worker's relationships, my dog, my house, birds in my house, birds chasing my dog, my job, a boy, my chimney pulling away from my house, a boy and my life.


My therapist has a saying "is this productive worry or non-productive worry?"  I have a saying too "if you can control your heart and mind 100% of the day then good for you for not worrying your pretty little head off".  There is a trigger in every girl's mind that makes anxiety become at the forefront of all emotions, thoughts and productivity.  When I don't have anxiety about something I can have anxiety about not being anxious.  Do you question why this funny girl is still single?


I wouldn't say I'm over the top but I would say that God has tried inexplicably to give me more worrisome things in my life to take my mind off the little things that I worry about, but to backfire in his face... It only adds to the anxiety, it doesn't actually replace it.  I have tried to think to myself, focus on this, this should be your bread and butter of your anxiety plate.  That doesn't work, it just makes me hungry.


I have now found a bird in my chimney, then two in my house, then learned that my chimney is actually pulling away from the foundation and therefore my house which will cost me nothing short than my first born and yes, yes I did have an emotional collapse when relaying this information on to the nice accounting lady at my office who just happened to drop off my paycheck.  But not 10 minutes later was I emailing back and forth with a friend, every other email I wrote was either about the birds and chimney or this boy not having called/texted/emailed in a week.  Don't you find this a bit odd?  Well thankfully I have some of the best girlfriends a gal could have and they reassure me that I'm not crazy, I'm just a girl.  So everyone I know who has now found a mate and who's houses have not fallen in on top of them has been anxious and obsessive over thoughts.  This is comforting.


You see, my house, it can be fixed, I have a solution.  The situation with the guy, my only solution is to try to not focus anxiety on the confusion of me just being dropped like a bad banana, but that is to focus my attention elsewhere.  So I'm 752 "matches" into eharmony and found 2, count them, 2 guys I was interested in something more than 1 date.  2 in 752???  They call them Matches...I call them "failures"  Those odds are pretty amazing when you think about it.  I don't even have to explain that, 750 guys that I have been matched up with on this dating site that have either not wanted a relationship with me nor me with them.  That's pretty amazing when you get down to it, that's like turning down an army of bachelors as eligible suitors or non eligible for that.  If the glass is half full, I've got pretty good odds, when I say I have been closing them it actually means I have been turning them down, left and right.
Point being, I have a man climbing my chimney right now and another not calling me and 750 not knowing anything more about be other than my name and what I look for in a relationship.  That's more than I can say for some of my college boyfriends.  Irony.


Happy Friday!