Chivalry...

I was raised to believe that a man should act like a gentleman in order to receive my attention and at the same time I was raised to be an independent and strong woman. It has many times brought me to so much confusion on how things are supposed to be. For example, I could be carrying three large boxes stacked on top of each other and each arm loaded with bags, and if a man offers to help me carry them (in the states), I am often surprised and then for some reason, I immediately refuse it. I have never understood why I refuse so much help except of course, if the help is offered by my dad. I am truly a daddy's girl and have called him when a large green bug flew into my apartment here in Santiago and when a mouse (or as described to my father a very large cat size rat) came into my apartment in New York and I fully expected for him to assess the situation and to do something about it. Of course he always laughs and tells me to, and I quote, "buck up", but my first instinct is to have dad take care of the situation. From bugs to money, he is the man I trust to handle the situations. And when it comes to my heart breaking, he is the only man I will call for words of comfort. My father is the epitome of a gentleman. Unfortunately, he is also the one who instilled so much confidence in me to be able to saunter off to Santiago, Chile site unseen and take on this crazy challenge. 


The reason I bring this up is that this week alone, I have had 3 separate incidences that have both surprised me and made me think. The first being, well i should back track, i met a young fellow. We met on basically the expat version of online dating (I thought I was on it for networking…ha!). We met to go on a walk, I mean a real walk, sports bra and tennis shoes.  He was interesting, young, super cute, ridiculously smart and really into himself. I appreciated the attention. Anyway, we met up again earlier this week, just briefly. I was riding my bike and we walked over to where he lives and i pushed my bike the whole time. When I locked my bike up, he stood there and watched. Never offering to help. When I was leaving he asked, and again, I quote "Do you know your way out?". I gasped at his audacity. I made him walk me out, and I have not heard from him again. Bless the young ones and their arrogant stupidity. 


On Friday I went to lunch with a male colleague. We went and picked up sushi to go and he offered to carry my bag. And I thought it was strange and he said "this is what men are supposed to do, be gentleman". I have strange notions of a gentleman, I guess. I want a gentleman to open the door for me, guide me through a room, pay for dinner, care about what I am saying, but carrying my bags for some reason, I refuse to accept. It is the only thing that I have gotten offered in a way of help here and I trip over myself while trying to accept it. Literally, I tripped out of the place we got our food while I was trying to grasp why this nice guy wanted to carry something for me that in every aspect of it, I could carry myself. Later that afternoon I was leaving work and noticed a guy left before me and was standing there holding the gate open while I was getting my bike ready. I figured he was waiting for someone. When he stood there long enough and I was ready to walk out he said "You aren't used to gentleman in the states, are you? This is what we are supposed to do for ladies". Holy shit. Is it true? Am I too damned skeptical to recognize chivalry? 


Last weekend I went on an 11 mile hike, one of the dumber things I have done in my 30s and the guide, a man in his 60s, bet me I couldn't make it to the top. And if I did, he would buy me lunch the next day at this nice restaurant. I'll be damned, if someone dares me to do something and is betting on the side that I can't (with the exception of jumping out of a plane or from a bridge with a stupid rope tied around my ankles to "save me"), then, I will do all in my power to prove them wrong. This also explains the eyebrow piercing I got in college and later removed because of my father's choice words in response to seeing it. Anyway, I may have walked like someone who had lost a race while riding the underbelly of a horse, but I did it. We went to lunch the following day and it was lovely. But when he invited me to lunch again this weekend I cowarded. Because I am too stupid to know if it is a nice invitation by a gentleman, or if I am unknowingly getting into a relationship with a man who may be older than my father. What would you do?


Chivalry…where does it start? Where does it end?