Back to basics

So all this soft talk has steered me off the true intentions of this blog. Are you interested to hear about the latest in my dating triumphs?

Let's see. The guy I went out with twice who walked his cat on a leash, we never went out again. Because he walked his cat on a leash? No, because we just never spoke again. The 41 year old twice divorced father of two? We had 3 really good dates. We laughed, we ate, we even kissed at the end of the night. After our third date I was leaving for a family vacation, he sent me a text asking me out for when I returned. I returned on Sunday and he called me that night on his way to meet a "buddy" at a bar. He asked me out for that week and we said we would figure our schedules out the following day. The following day was when my world started falling apart when my dog got sick and last words I heard the doctor say that afternoon were "it could be cancer". I had literally lost it that afternoon. The crying was uncontrollable until it finally stopped. When the 41 year old twice divorced father of two called me that night and I answered, his first statement was "it sounds like you are getting sick". I told him a little about what was going on with my dog, I couldn't say that much or I would lose it again and I was desperately trying not only to hold it together but to stay positive as well. After I told him a little bit of my story, I said " you know, we can talk about something a little more cheery" and he said "well, I don't know if this is any more cheery, but I'm seeing someone else." WHAT? A. It is not more cheery and 2. How in all hell is this timing appropriate? Did you know that the last time I was seriously dating someone and hid my bad days as much as I could until finally I just had to break down and tell my boyfriend at the time over the phone how horrible a day I had and when I finished he said, "Um, we need to talk" and we broke up. I mean seriously...This is what blogs and friends are for I guess, no need to dish out the bad to someone I want to date, clearly it doesn't end well for me. :) Anyway, I didn't care, I had other things on my mind. I did respect him for telling me, he didn't need to, but he did. I did question, however, his timing, considering the night before he asked me out again. He said something happened that day that made things more serious. Because most off the wall romantic gestures happen between 9 PM on Sunday night and 7:30 PM on Monday night, right? Bless. He went into many explanations about what he thought of me and blah, blah, blah. It was nice to hear, yes, but I didn't need it. I just wanted to get off the phone and stop pretending that I cared about us not working out and concentrate only on my pup. After I said thank you and wished him well he closed the conversation with "well, I'm sure we will see each other a future industry conferences". Yep, that's exactly what I hope. Bless.

I went out with another 41 year old who is really into country line dancing. He goes to the country bar every Friday night and gets there before his friends so he can get the parking spot he wants. What is it about turning 40 makes you so extremely set in your ways? He likes this spot because it is under a light post so it helps him see when he wants to run out to his car half way through the night to change button down shirts, so he isn't as sweaty. He pays only in cash to avoid the lines and can't stand to watch it when people don't know how to dance, try. He is also the third guy I have gone out with who has also walked his cat on a leash. I swear to God, I really wouldn't want to make that up, it is a sad statistic. He is funny and I have fun with him, but I'm fairly certain the only reason he is still single at 41 and has a cat, is because he in fact, does not yet feel comfortable coming out of the closet. Our romantic paths will not cross again, but I think he would be great to go shopping with sometime! 

On to my last. A friend of mine who I know through work called me last week to tell me she wanted to introduce me to someone. I knew she knew I was single, but I wasn't sure she knew anything about my type. I have since learned, she doesn't. He's nice, I will give him that. He's been divorced 6 years, not a big deal. He has a 13 year old son who's never made a B and is always on the honor roll. Not exactly a turn-on, but he's a proud dad. "Do you have any other children?" I asked, anticipating a no or maybe a younger one. "Yes, I have two daughters. One is 28 and the other is 26. I'm an old fart."  

Yes, sir, you are. Since I have an amazing dad and no "daddy issues", there is no reason to pretend: this just won't happen. I cannot date anyone who has a kid that is closer to my age than he and he is closer to my parent's age than mine. Sorry, I just can't. 

 So as you can tell, luck in love has been void, but I'm not giving up hope. I'm still getting matched up daily and so what if one of them has his profile picture kneeling next to a stuffed cougar wearing sunglasses and another is so proud of his 50s soda pop memorabilia and a boat load from suburbs (still, not Houston)? There are a few Houstonians whose profiles make me laugh, intentionally and their pictures aren't too bad either. Keep on searching....

The Love of My Life

Yes, I met him, in fact, I've known him for nearly 7 years and as of recently I realized he is the perfect male. He is the only constant in my life who will not just let me cry into him, but will actually lick the tears off my face. He is the only male I can get mad at not for not taking out the trash, but getting into it, and he will still love me, sometimes even more. He is the one constant in my life where I wouldn't question paying for anything he needs, because in return he gives me companionship. I'm sure you have guessed by now, but this is my nearly 7 year old lab.

Who can resist this face?

I found him in a time in my life when I was feeling lonely. I had been living in Dallas and alone and with no real dating relationships worth discussing or better yet, even blogging about. My friends in Dallas were all in relationships with their now spouses, I was an outsider, I just didn't really fit in. I was sitting in my grandmother's living room in November of 2004 when my mother and sister returned from their walk and said they found a dog for me. I couldn't believe it, was I ready to make this commitment? One look at his awkwardly trotting self with his jowls pulled back so far it looked like he was laughing as he was coming towards me and I knew, this was a male I could really love.

The rawhide

In all these years, he's only betrayed me once. He met an ex-boyfriend not long after I brought him home and he cozied up to him. I told him he was a traitor, but he just sat down to chew on a rawhide, he wasn't concerned. It isn't the person that affects him, it is the emotion behind their actions. This is something we should all think about sometimes. One time he wasn't a fan of a male suitor who was over, so he hopped up on the couch while I was in the kitchen and the guy was laying back relaxing. My dear sweet pup turned around, made his tail go as high as he could and released, right in his face! I laughed hysterically, the guy chuckled, but he left soon thereafter. Point taken. He'll cozy up to the mailman if he senses kindness in his heart. and He's also stood watch while an AC repairman was in a bathroom, telling me full well he didn't trust that guy, and in turn, neither did I. Unfortunately, he couldn't read the lying drunken thief that well either, but that guy was a pro at being a con (oxymoron in terms).

He loves stuffed animals

Last week he had a health scare. My sweet pup was aching, he groaned, he panted, he refused a treat and when he refused cheese I rushed him to the vet. Show me a lab that refuses cheese and isn't sick, and I'll show you money. After many tests, xrays and ultrasounds it resulted that my sweet boy had severe acute pancreatitis. He spent a week at the vet and in the hospital, fasting and on IV's and pain meds and now is finally home recovering. He struggles with being his usual playful self but when he has noticed the concern on my face, he tries to show courage. He's licked the tears off my face quite a few times in the last week and I have wiped what looked like tears off his. He's not just a dog, he's not just my kid, he's my best friend. If you have an animal, you will understand. It isn't their actions that affect you, it is the way they love you. They only react to what they receive. When he was a puppy and if I left him for too long, he would chew up the boxes my shoes were in, but not the shoes. It was a sort of, 'you see the damage I can do, just see what I'll do if you try it again', type of threat. I loved him for that, he respected the shoes, but knew what he was doing and I understood!

Can't you see the concern he has?

I think 7 years ago he saved me from my depression and from not coming out of it. I had to leave my house multiple times a day when I got him, he had to go outside and not long after he came into my life, but so did some new friends and sunshine and soon, light. It is my turn now to do what I can to save him and I will. I have many more heartbreaks ahead of me from a guy or 6 who will come into my life and out, which means more tears to lick away and a big furry neck to nuzzle in when I need it. Somebody asked me the other day what I thought he would be like if he were human, I thought he's perfect how he is now, this is how he was meant to be.

Now if you have a dog or hell, even a cat you walk on a leash, give them an extra hug tonight. That's ultimately all they want, well, and some cheese.

Also, if you are in the Houston area and looking for a place to donate, I highly recommend Gulf Coast Veterinary Specialists. They are the best, they made him better and have answered everyone of my hysterical calls and they too, let me cry without judgment!

Repeat offenders

Something about this time around on "interweb dating" isn't as funny. I think because I am actually getting matched up with some people who seem somewhat more my style. But of course, there are those few...

 

When I was on eharmony.com last year I was matched up with a guy who went to high school with my sister. I wasn't interested in him and think that if I am going to pay money to date (similar to a prostitute, but not) then I am not going to go on a date with someone from my small hometown. Well I quickly closed him the first time and this was during the "you must give a reason" to why you are closing someone. They had a box for me to check which was "in another relationship". This seems quite ironic to have that option while on a dating site, but I still thought it was a softer blow than "based on statements in your profile" or something along the lines of not liking their pictures. A little background on this fellow, we will call him Anil (I just looked down and saw that name on a document of mine from work...it works). Anil and I were also friends on facebook. He was one of those "serial status updaters". He often put he wanted a girlfriend, he hated going to be early, my favorite one "tonight I am going to drink until I can't think" and so on. He was lonely, I understand being lonely. I don't understand making status updates about it. He did eventually get a girlfriend, he made it "facebook relationship status" official. Then it wasn't about a month or so later that the relationship status quickly changed back to single and daily rants about being lonely, his crazy ex-girlfriend, the fact they were trying to work it out, oh wait, she was still crazy and that he was glad he had a dog to snuggle with while he doesn't have a girlfriend. Again, I have a blog, I get this, but I prefer to make light of my empty bed rather than ask pity for it. Well...turns out, eharmony believes we are compatible yet still. I feel like eharmony is somewhat like my friends who set me up with people just because they are single and not actually because we have anything else in common. It doesn't matter, I closed him without knowing who he was. I only saw that it was Anil from Humble. Here's the situation for any of you readers who do not live in Houston. Humble is a town outside of Houston. It is, without a doubt, a suburb. I have no issue with suburbs, like I've said before, but I do not date outside Houston city limits. This city has 8 million people in it, about 4 million of them are men and about 1.5 million of those men are single. I feel like my chances are pretty good. Well, I had recently de-friended Anil on facebook as his status updates were just depressing and his "liking" a photo of mine was somewhat disturbing considering, yes I am one of those people that says yes to most friend requests, but I don't actually think I have 518 friends and their liking my pictures is kind of weird. Right? Either way. He sent me an email and another friend request calling me out on closing him "I guess it's weird we got matched up on eharmony again. Clearly you aren't interested, and that's fine. Best of luck". Now, if I have closed you AND de-friended you, why would you go to these lengths? Flattered, a little. Interested or intrigued? absolutely not.

Next we have a guy I have gone out with twice. He is so kind, a little funny and cute too. He is also my first back on eharmony date and just like my first internet date ever (4 years ago), he too walks his cat on a leash. How have I managed to go out with two men who walk their cats on leashes and live in a town home complex with an older gentleman who also walks his cat on a leash? Have I missed the memo that this is now acceptable? I think that's where he went wrong and how he has pretty much killed any chance of me having butterflies. The image of him walking out his front door, down the hall, getting on the elevator, walking through the lobby and out to the front of his building, and down the sidewalk, all the while having a cat walk with him on a leash!! It is too much of an image, one I can't escape. Not to mention he got so enthralled on our first date with the pictures of his cat on his phone that I actually started feeling uncomfortable and wasn't sure if I should make a call just to have the minutes go by faster. I like a man who loves animals, but there is a limit.

I am stepping out of my comfort zone. Tuesday night I went out with a 41 year old, divorcee, father of 2 and HE gave me butterflies. This was completely unexpected. I didn't want to go out with anyone with kids nor did I imagine I would go out with someone 10 years older than me with kids and have fun. But I did, I was shocked. I'm growing up, as I told my sister, but I'm still queen of finding a fault to get over the blow of rejection should it come. If he shows up with a parrot on his shoulder on Sunday, I'm done.

We are back together

Yes, after 10 months apart, eharmony.com and I are giving it another go. I signed on again, I started completely over, I answered all the questions again that took me 6 months to answer 4 years ago and this past Saturday it took me 45 minutes. Apparently 4 years ago I was a little too much of a booze hound or unsure about myself (wait, isn't that one in the same) and now, I was sober (on Saturday) and more confident in what I want and my answers to questions like "rate yourself on the following...". So far I have for sure been matched up with 2 people I was matched up with before and one of them I went out with...never to hear from him again. I immediately closed him, I would like not to venture through tunnels of darkness again! 

I was "closed" this morning by two men who had taken one look at my profile and immediately shut me down. It occurred to me, to automatically close someone on eharmony that the website had just that second matched you up with is similar to a friend of yours in a bar saying "hey, I want you to meet my friend" and their friend looks at you, turns around and walks away. Straight and to the point, clearly, not interested. It is called ripping off the band-aid dating. So I'm going to do the same, quick, easy and if you are confident enough, painless too. 

Also, at which point will eharmony.com realize that Sugar Land, Katy, Manvel, Humble, Spring and Bay Town are NOT Houston? I'm not saying either is better or worse, but I live in this city and they in theirs. I am not on the bachelor or bachelorette, I have no intention of moving to the suburbs for someone and let's be honest here, I don't intend to drive there for a Saturday night out either. I have no issue with the towns themselves nor the people that are from there, I have an issue with gas mileage! Have you seen the prices? It is one thing that I am again forking over some of my hard earned income to pay to meet someone or not meet someone for that matter... I can't then delve into the pockets even more at this point to find them outside of my little inside Beltway 8 bubble! These are just the first thoughts I have 3 days in...

This is it

So it was a month ago that I last posted about that debacle in Rome...it has taken a month for me to contemplate all that went on during that fateful night and the weeks, months and year that led up to it. I have come up with a theory, for so many years my fantasies, the things I wished for and I wanted and I could picture in my head happening, well, they didn't. I would always get some warped, picked up at the local convenient store generic version of the fantasy or dream that I had. Hence, the soup kitchen turned berated match in a bar called Trinity College in the middle of Rome. Of course I wasn't swept off my feet, I thought about it too much, I pictured what I wanted to happen...I "cinematized" what I wanted and I got Jersey Shored back to reality.

So now that I understand it isn't in the dream it is in the reality, I'm setting forth with my head fully in the game. This weekend I will get back on the train of the internet dating, I will see what life has to offer in the cyber world of relationships and I will inform you about each and every one of those train wrecks. Am I hoping for a train wreck? No. Do I actually want to find someone who will make me laugh and vice versa and want to spend more than 2 dates with me? Yes. Would I rather get a train wreck before something dramatic or worse boring for my dating tales? Hell yes!

I will keep you posted as long as you stay posted with me...let the journey begin again! Cyber on friends