Arrive en Santiago!

Today I arrived in Santiago to start my new adventure and life in South America and in pure "me" fashion I did it...with incident. As I was paying my entry fee into Chile, I had a miscommunication with the agent and while he was asking me for my passport number to write on my receipt in English, I may add, I gave him my phone number. He laughed, got red in the face and couldn't finish his sentence of correction. This is only the beginning of my journey in Santiago...


As my niece would say, "oh brother...."


More to come friends, so much more.


signing,
Single in Santiago

Single in Santiago

So here it is...here is the big announcement...I'm taking the blog and the dogs and we are moving to Santiago, Chile! Expect new stories of humor and self actualization as I wind my way through the streets of Santiago, the language of Spanish and the men of South America. I can only hope there will be at least one more Alessandro to give you more laughter and me great memories. Expect tales of wine and adventure and trials and tribulations and most of all, my way to find the humor in it all.  The move happens in 2 weeks and the stories I assume will start to happen in 2 weeks and 1 day!

Stay tuned friends!

Stay patient

Some exciting new developments and changes to be announced soon...the blog may only get juicier.

In the mean time, have a chuckle. It has been one year since this now infamous money, liar and liquor thief came into my life and out and has been a steady flow of jokes between my family and friends for the past year. Randomly he popped into my dream, err shall I say nightmare, last night and I thought I would remind you of him to have a chuckle at my or his expense, however you choose to see it. One whole year and not much has changed...yet.

Stay tuned!

My rehearsal dinner

Last night I had the best night's sleep I've had in months. Literally, months. Work has been overwhelming, I've been exhausted, and I've been going to hard too fast. I started a detox last monday to shed 10lbs that have ravaged my body in the past 3 years (4 in the last month) and if I don't lose them now, then they will only keep adding. I have been wearing the same clothes to work, just different ensembles, for 2 months now to avoid the clothes that make my stomach feel uncomfortable. I'm 5'5'' and I was weighing 144.3lbs., this isn't obese, but it isn't where I want to be either. I made the decision to knock that down to 135 before the holidays...in other words, before I can afford to pack it back on with cakes, cookies, stuffing, cheese, alcohol, more cheese and perhaps an excessive amount of wine and um, perhaps a celery stalk with peanut butter, you know, for the health. So last night, exhausted from only eating greens, rice and vegetables for 10 days (okay, I've snuck in some coconut dairy free ice cream, but who are we kidding), and having now lost 3.3 lbs, I could barely hold my eyes open. 

Last night I went to sleep and I went hard. For the 3rd time in the past 3 months I dreamed about my rehearsal dinner. Is she engaged? You may be asking. No. Is she actually dating someone seriously? You may now wonder. Absolutely not. But I keep having these dreams about the one night where people will have the liberty to stand up in front of my friends and family and my future husband and tell stories about our lives together, mistakes I have made and most importantly, how much we mean to each other and how right for me my future husband is. Is she a complete narcissist? Not completely, but I have thought about that night a lot. Having been a bridesmaid 17 times and given 17 rehearsal dinner speeches, I have wondered, what would they say about me at mine? Now I am dreaming about it. I think it has to do with the fact that I've been a bit distant from my friends lately due to work and now due to the devil in detox. I miss my friends, so I'm channeling what they are saying about me in my dreams. 

And here is the gist of it. One of my friend's husbands got on the phone with his friend and I overheard him saying "this is really boring". I proceeded to ask him to leave my rehearsal dinner. I'm ballsy in my dreams. Another one of my friend's husbands stood up to give a speech, a husband I don't know well, but who I do find hilarious, and he wrote a song for me and started to sing, errr, rap it. Why my friend's husbands made the dream, or rather, made speeches, I'll never know, but I appreciated it. Just as two of my best friends in the world stood up to walk to the mic to say what they needed to say, the anticipation was building up in me, and I couldn't wait to let the tears fall...beepbeepbeepbeepbeep....the alarm goes off. I tried everything I could to go back to that beautiful outdoor setting and listen to what they had to say, but I couldn't. I had to get up and go to yoga. 

I live 5 minutes from my yoga studio, 2 minute drive or 5 minute bike ride. At 5:30 in the morning, I drive. Of the 3 lights between my house and yoga, I caught them each on red. I showed up at 5:31 and the door was locked. I think my unconscious is telling me something. Pay closer attention to those I love, get my ass out of bed when the alarm goes off, and I really need to get my friend's husband a rap recording contract, he has a future.

To those I love and those I have been distant from, blame the work, blame the detox, just don't blame me. I've fallen victim, but I'll be back, soon, real, real soon and hopefully, with some fun and exciting stories to share too!!

I've run the gamut

I haven't posted in a while, because I didn't think I had too much to report. Turns out, in fact, I do have some news to share...

Apparently, I have run the gamut of the dating scene in Houston. A month ago I had a conference for work. After the first night I went with some clients to have a drink. I was ever so confused when one of the clients who's wedding ring was actually larger than normal, invited himself back to my house for a nightcap. I was so confused on his "invitation" that I thought I clearly must have mistaken it for that of a bored and drunk engineer just wanting to continue to party. I politely and nervously declined. I wasn't sure if I was being hit on or not (I'm not exactly hit on frequently). I made up some excuse about having tomatoes stuck in my sink and I couldn't let people to my house for the first time with a dirty sink. If you knew me, you would know that A., that's true, I have been known to have a dirty sink. But B., If I was actually interested, I would have made it work. The following day at the conference he walked up and made a comment about it again and said "you just didn't want me to come over because I am married. That shouldn't matter" I thought, is this guy for real? I was so confused, so flustered, a little pissed and sadly, flattered. I admire my friends, sisters and parent's marriages too much to entertain that idea. I am not that girl. I am many things, but I'm not someone who can fling around with someone married. Steal from me? Sure. Lie about your age? I'll entertain it. Have kids? I can consider it. Have a wife? Absolutely not. I can take many things, but just to be clear, he lives in the suburbs. I told you something about the suburbs wasn't a right fit for me.

So on to the next one. I accidentally replied all to an email I received from a contact recently. The email he sent to me was to over 100 people. Whoops. But it actually gets worse. Next thing I know, I get a text message from a number I didn't recognize saying I had just sent him an email and wishing me well.  Come to find out it was the chap I went out with three months ago who, while we were about to plan our fourth date, informed me he was seeing someone else. Note to self, double check the To: line before hitting send on an email.

And then finally, I went to a bar recently to meet up with a group of friends. For the first time EVER, I was the first person to show up. I get flustered when I'm looking for people. I walked up to the bar to ask about the private party when the girl with braces in front of me said "hey baby, what do you want to drink?". Side note: One of my pet peeves is being called baby by strangers. Being from Texas you don't know if it is a come-on or condescending or just plain obnoxious. I politely declined but she was ordering hers and I thought since the bartender was there she was offering for me to tell him what I wanted. The girl went to pay for my drink, I asked her not to, I started to feel really awkward, she then said "if you are a good person, you will buy me one later". Great, now I have gotten unsolicited guilt from a lesbian pick up line. Then she asked me where I was from, damn near asked me for my exact address. When two of my friends walked up, Thank God, in just the nick of time and I waived to them to show them where I was, she said "you don't waive to them. you wait for them to come to you." Strange girl with braces is now telling me how to respond to people. She then said to them "She and I are having a conversation right now and getting to know each other. She can talk to you in a minute." Oh for Christ's sake. Now I have to endure this drunk lesbian's conversation even longer? Eventually, I walked away. I'm flattered she drunkenly picked me out of the crowd and good on her to be out and proud. But at the end of the day, hell, start of the day, middle of the day, and middle of the night, I am a woman, who likes men, single, unattached, UN-baggaged and available, men.

So I realized, I must have run the gamut in Houston. In the span of 2 weeks (with a good month hiatus from dating) I got hit on by a married man, accidentally emailed an old fling and was harassed by a lesbian. What are the odds? I'm not sure if Houston is where my mate is anymore...territory may just need to expand, but I am sticking to the no suburbs still. :)