Chivalry...

I was raised to believe that a man should act like a gentleman in order to receive my attention and at the same time I was raised to be an independent and strong woman. It has many times brought me to so much confusion on how things are supposed to be. For example, I could be carrying three large boxes stacked on top of each other and each arm loaded with bags, and if a man offers to help me carry them (in the states), I am often surprised and then for some reason, I immediately refuse it. I have never understood why I refuse so much help except of course, if the help is offered by my dad. I am truly a daddy's girl and have called him when a large green bug flew into my apartment here in Santiago and when a mouse (or as described to my father a very large cat size rat) came into my apartment in New York and I fully expected for him to assess the situation and to do something about it. Of course he always laughs and tells me to, and I quote, "buck up", but my first instinct is to have dad take care of the situation. From bugs to money, he is the man I trust to handle the situations. And when it comes to my heart breaking, he is the only man I will call for words of comfort. My father is the epitome of a gentleman. Unfortunately, he is also the one who instilled so much confidence in me to be able to saunter off to Santiago, Chile site unseen and take on this crazy challenge. 


The reason I bring this up is that this week alone, I have had 3 separate incidences that have both surprised me and made me think. The first being, well i should back track, i met a young fellow. We met on basically the expat version of online dating (I thought I was on it for networking…ha!). We met to go on a walk, I mean a real walk, sports bra and tennis shoes.  He was interesting, young, super cute, ridiculously smart and really into himself. I appreciated the attention. Anyway, we met up again earlier this week, just briefly. I was riding my bike and we walked over to where he lives and i pushed my bike the whole time. When I locked my bike up, he stood there and watched. Never offering to help. When I was leaving he asked, and again, I quote "Do you know your way out?". I gasped at his audacity. I made him walk me out, and I have not heard from him again. Bless the young ones and their arrogant stupidity. 


On Friday I went to lunch with a male colleague. We went and picked up sushi to go and he offered to carry my bag. And I thought it was strange and he said "this is what men are supposed to do, be gentleman". I have strange notions of a gentleman, I guess. I want a gentleman to open the door for me, guide me through a room, pay for dinner, care about what I am saying, but carrying my bags for some reason, I refuse to accept. It is the only thing that I have gotten offered in a way of help here and I trip over myself while trying to accept it. Literally, I tripped out of the place we got our food while I was trying to grasp why this nice guy wanted to carry something for me that in every aspect of it, I could carry myself. Later that afternoon I was leaving work and noticed a guy left before me and was standing there holding the gate open while I was getting my bike ready. I figured he was waiting for someone. When he stood there long enough and I was ready to walk out he said "You aren't used to gentleman in the states, are you? This is what we are supposed to do for ladies". Holy shit. Is it true? Am I too damned skeptical to recognize chivalry? 


Last weekend I went on an 11 mile hike, one of the dumber things I have done in my 30s and the guide, a man in his 60s, bet me I couldn't make it to the top. And if I did, he would buy me lunch the next day at this nice restaurant. I'll be damned, if someone dares me to do something and is betting on the side that I can't (with the exception of jumping out of a plane or from a bridge with a stupid rope tied around my ankles to "save me"), then, I will do all in my power to prove them wrong. This also explains the eyebrow piercing I got in college and later removed because of my father's choice words in response to seeing it. Anyway, I may have walked like someone who had lost a race while riding the underbelly of a horse, but I did it. We went to lunch the following day and it was lovely. But when he invited me to lunch again this weekend I cowarded. Because I am too stupid to know if it is a nice invitation by a gentleman, or if I am unknowingly getting into a relationship with a man who may be older than my father. What would you do?


Chivalry…where does it start? Where does it end?

Go ahead and name your horse

I have had quite a week here in Santiago. Thursday night I was invited to join some colleagues for happy hour. I was chatting with two of my them about my move here and mentioned I would be moving my two dogs with me in a few months. Unfortunately during the conversation that followed I was informed that I have inadvertently named both of my dogs in Chilean slang, penis and vagina. When I said my dog's name, Tula, I was informed that means penis or a slang version thereof. When I told them the other one's name, Concho they literally fell out of their chairs from laughing. Now the technical word is concha because a vagina is feminine, however, I still have to come up with new names when I am out in public with them. I stick out enough as it is with my big blonde hair and my crappy spanish, now if I start yelling out "Tula, Concho" at the dog park it will probably land me in jail. Imagine being at your dog park and seeing someone yell after their dogs "Penis, Va-jay-jay"! That's what it would sound like, only in Spanish.


On Saturday I went horseback riding with a group of people through the Andes Mountains and was told I could name my horse whatever I wanted. After suffering the trauma of my naming capabilities, I stuck with the name "I don't know" and her colt "I don't knowita". 


I thought stepping out of my comfort zone this week would be getting on a horse for the first time in 10 years, I was mistaken. 

Home?

I am doing everything I can to make it feel like home here in Santiago. I've bought bedding for my new uncomfortable bed in my fully furnished apartment, I've gone to Bikram Yoga and sweated my way into serenity and like any good Episcopalian, I've found my favorite wine shop. Yesterday I finally got connected to the outside world at home by installing WiFi and cable. Now I can fill you in on my daily activities, but unfortunately none so far involve hot single latin men whispering sweet untranslatable nothings into my ears. There are a few reasons for that. One being that I haven't met any and another being that my ears by the end of each day are exhausted. Yep, my ears. I can actually feel them breath a sigh of relief when I get home from work when they no longer strain to understand not just Spanish, but Chilean Spanish, known here as Chileanisms...they have plenty of their isms. 


In the south, we have a phrase when someone looks exhausted, beat up and ready to give up which is "You look rode hard and put up wet". The first time I heard this phrase, it was unfortunately directed at me, but it took me a few minutes of explanation to understand what it meant. For those of you blissfully unaware like I was 10 years ago, it is a metaphor to a horse who has been ridden all day and put back in the barn sweaty and exhausted and not hosed down. Imagine hearing phrases with similarity for all different metaphors for 12 hours a day. I try so hard to be a part of the conversations by nodding my head in aggreance or hiding my the look of WTF on my face, but let's be clear here, this is what goes on in my head when I am to be a listening to a meeting done completely in Spanish:


"What the f is he saying. Oh, he just said we need. What do we need? Man, he is talking so fast. Will I ever get this? My hearing blows. Oh, he just said for him to have something. What is that guy supposed to have? Oh wait, he's looking at me for a response. Nod, just nod. Okay, he must be done, he said claro, which loosely translates to of course, or right. Oh shit, now I have to respond." And aloud I say to the group "Mmm, hmm. Yes. Well, I actually didn't catch any of that except that we need something that he has". Disappointing looks and discussions of what I can assume of annoyance proceed to follow in Spanish. 


I work a lot here, the work hours here put the states to shame. Show up at 8:30, leave by 8 only because the building needs to lock up. I had 3 blissful weeks without a work computer, blackberry or internet and that has taken a drastic change in the last 2 days...so much for don't bring your work home. But I have no complaints, this is why I moved here. However, I am going to make a strong effort to get myself out more on the weekends. I have met some wonderful people and a super fun/sweet friends who are also a couple have taken me in, under their wing since I moved here. But it has come to my conclusion that if I am going to get out to bars and meet strangers, then I have to buck up and get it done. I can't only rely on friends and ask them to take precious time away from their loved ones to drink in a seedy bar with me. Shoot, it doesn't even have to be seedy, but just the idea of having to approach people is about as daunting as interpreting a conversation done completely in Spanish. It wont be easy, but it is my challenge. I'm grateful I have friends here, they are super fun and so similar to the wonderful people I left back home, they help make me feel okay about being here and as strange as it may sound, it feels safe. I'm lucky, but I also realize that I find myself waiting for things to happen and depending on others to make them happen instead of making things happen myself.


I am 3 weeks in to this crazy adventure, but I'm about waist high in pressure to make it all happen for me. It is my goal to take it one day at a time, I will continue to fill you in on this journey... be patient, the stories of being single in Santiago are sure to be good!

Beauty

So I'm going to take just a quick break on the blog from discussing the men of my life or lack there of and just tell you a bit about this new city of mine in which I now live. Last night I went to a barbeque at a colleague's house and to get there we drove through the mountains of Santiago. I kept busting out with "oh wow, oh wow" without any concern to who heard me. This is literally one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been too. I walked through the city today, it was so quiet and lovely. You could literally hear the wind blow. At night, you can see all the stars in the sky. But at the same time this is a highly metropolitan city of 6 million people and skyscrapers and developments. It is amazing. Literally, amazing. As i was walking about today I looked up then at a quick second glance, I realized I was staring at the Andes mountains. This city is built in the center of these gorgeous mountains. I have only been here a week, but I tell you, this is a place I hope you all get to mark on places you have traveled. My breath has been taken away. I'll post pictures soon

Okay, no worries, I'll write more about the beauty of being single in Santiago soon!  Ciao

Que Guapaaaaaaa

I was telling my friend in Santiago tonight about my "dry spell" of men just before I was making my decision to leave Houston to move here. Did me dating the only men who walked their cats on leashes or who learned the art of kissing by watching bad porn force me to leave Houston? No. But the fact that I wasn't pursuing a relationship with any of these guys, well, that may have been a reason that didn't stop me from coming. Being admired in the street, being bought a drink, having a stranger ask for my phone number, and getting a compliment in  the office were not things I have received, for the sake of my own humility, recently. So when a colleague / new friend at work and I went to lunch on Tuesday told me that one of the guys in the office said I looked like a movie star, I may have tried to play it cool, but c'mon...I ate that shit up! When I asked which one and she said, "oh no, that is just like a saying they use for a pretty girl. Not that you actually look like one" I tucked my tail in between my legs and remembered exactly who I was. Seriously, all kidding aside...I totally look like Reese Witherspoon! So suck it guy who told me how "incredibly disappointed" he was that he wasn't attracted to me when he met me in person....I'm the next Jennifer Aniston...Am I taking it too far? Either way, a compliment is a compliment and it felt great!


Well, on Wednesday night I took myself for a stroll throughout Vitacura, the street I am living on in Santiago. I was standing at a stoplight and saw a guy from across the street who looked attractive with the sun behind him. As the walk light turned and we walked past each other, he said in his deep Santiago voice "Que Guapaaaa". Which means how beautiful. I played it cool, because that's what we ladies do, however, I completely ate it all up. After he couldn't see my face, I smiled, I got red and I think I started to sweat. I'm pretty sure I could get used to this, but I really need to start working on my cool face.


So far, Santiago is proving itself to be pretty good in the self esteem arena. Muchas gracias Santiago... suck it eharmony! :)