Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Scarlett Letter

I write this blog to share the journey I am on as a single woman fighting the dating war.  Losing one battle after another, but still feeling pretty strong.  This past weekend I went to my 15th bachelorette party since 2003.  15 bachelorette parties, 15 lingerie showers, 2 chauffeurs, 400 glasses of wine, 0 strippers, 1 passion party, countless laughs and the 15th time to meet my neighbors in Singleville.  At times I fee like it is population 1.  This weekend of 17 attendees, there were 4 residents of Singleville, woo-hoo!  Since I was one of the hosts of the party, I made it my mission to find party favors.  I found masks to wear!  Similar to Mardi Gras masks, but just a tad cheaper and a bit more ghetto. Each of them had a descriptive word that everyone got to choose to wear.  Only 6 came in a package, so I purchased 3 packages.  The descriptive words to choose from were: 
  • Sexy
  • Wild
  • Tease
  • Bad
  • Flirt
  • Single

Now since I was the host, I wanted to make sure everyone got what they wanted.  I got what was inevitably going to be mine anyway.  Even 2 of the 4 singles, didn't take single.  Here I am realizing the irony of my cute little gift:

One more crazy night of laughing, drinking, embarrassing, giving, being and having.  and I wonder why I am still single?  Maybe it is because I choose to flaunt the stupidity of my antics on here or because I wear a mask on my head that says single or by chance I am still single because I am actually looking for what humorous story will come out of the next relationship or non-thereof and an sabotage each of them for a good laugh.  Well really I can't get that laugh without them doing something ridiculous. Anyway, I just thought I would share that I don't only act single by anonymity on here, I do it in person as well.

Happy thanksgiving all!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm not broken

I've had a full week now to come to terms with the fact that I was just completely deceived by this man I thought I could possibly date further. Now, let's not kid ourselves, I started questioning him 2 dates in, but I like to look at life through rose colored glasses, or some might say with my eyes shut, but either way, I was enjoying myself.  It is funny though, I called in who I refer to as my army, my friends, to divulge this story from end to end so that I wouldn't have to go through the agony of retelling it and at that point refacing the same humiliation.  However, something has changed in me. I now find it unbelievably funny and I'll tell anyone who asks any question that will remotely make me think of this incident. Such as:

random friend: "Want to grab some sushi?" 
me: "Oh, last time I talked to this guy that stole from me he mentioned eating sushi." 
random friend: "What?"
or
Guy filling my tire with air: "Oh, I see the problem, you have a nail in your tire"
me: "There is construction going on in my place, but I bet the last guy I dated pilfered some of the air from my tire to put in his clunker and used a nail to hold it since he is a vagrant and stole money from me."
Guy filling my tire with air: "Okay. So would you like me to fix the tire?"

I have managed to make something that 3 years ago would have had me questioning my choices, my sanity and my entire life into something I will use to make other people's jaw drop and get a chuckle out of them if I can.

I have realized in this past week, I'm not broken.  I'm cracked and I let in the dirt sometimes, but as the saying goes "put a little duct tape on it and it'll be fixed".  So I've duct taped the cracked area that let a drunken vagrant who tells lies of a life he wishes he had (and shoot, I wouldn't mind meeting someone who did actually have that life) and I've sealed him off.  Who's next?  I wait with eager anticipation. Will it be Mr. Perfect?  No, no, no, I'm convinced he will be the next Mr. Perfect Story.  Who am I kidding? There is no Mr. Perfect, only the one that is perfect for me and as of late, the ones that are perfect for me are the ones that fill my life with humor.  On to the next passenger on my dating train wreck!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Fool me once, fool me twice...

I'm not quite certain how to begin this entry, I actually am about to shock you if you have kept up with the blog.  Have you ever heard of the store, Charming Charlie's?  Well it is a cute place with tons of costume jewelry and knock off handbags and the such.  I bring this up because of the "Charming Charlie" that I realized I have been dating.  This fellow, the one I have told you about in the last few blogs, the boy who was charming and such a gentleman, who gave me compliments and paid for everything.  About 2 weeks ago I started to have some concerns and about 24 hours ago I was given notice my concerns were well founded.  So, here goes...

I invited him to meet my friends.  We had a lovely night.  Lots of laughs and a few drinks as well.  Before we left to go on this date I went to the ATM to get out some money on the off chance he let me pay for anything and also because I wanted some cash on hand for Sunday.  As the night went on he would not let me pay for anything.  So Sunday rolls around and there are a few missing links in the previous night.  One being the one glass of wine we had out of the bottle we opened at my house was now empty, an empty bottle of rum which I did not drink was on my counter, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and Maker's Mark were in my liquor cabinet and I'm not usually one to put empty bottles back in the cabinet.  And the $100 in cash I had was now missing $40.  This wasn't adding up but I had to make myself believe that he couldn't have done all these things, he's too much a southern gentleman...He called me Darlin'...nobody says darlin' and takes booze and money from you.  So I chose to ignore this...sort of.

I invited him to join me at my monthly dinner club on Thursday night, he was excited to attend.  Come Tuesday, he was maybe going to have a work thing on Thursday.  This is fine by me.  We have only been out for a month, he doesn't need to spend time with my friends twice in a week and clearly his job should come before me...at this point.  He was going to have to drive to Austin and wouldn't be back until late.  He called me Wednesday night at 10:13 PM saying he was in a cab in a town about 45 minutes from here because he was looking at a leasing space for a client.  Odd to be looking at a space for a client at 10:13 at night, but what do I know about commercial leasing, I plan events for a living.  Still, one more thing I put in the red flag pot.

Thursday comes along and he texts me asking about my event, how everything went at the biggest conference of the year for me.  So sweet, he cares.   I asked him how things were going in Austin...twice, he didn't answer. He may not have seen this question since he was either making copies at FedEx/Kinko's or buying a rug at the Oriental Rug Mart since when I was driving home I saw his car parked there....2 blocks from my house.  Hmmmm...  Time passes on, I go to my dinner club, laugh with my friends about this situation, find it weird he didn't respond, but what explanation does he owe me?  My friend and I were having such a good time we decided to continue the evening at a neighborhood watering hole and stopped in to have a glass of wine.

Guess who we ran into?  Charming Charlie himself.  Seriously.  The odds of this are uncanny.  This is a bar about 3 blocks from my house, it is apparently about 2 miles from his house (I have never been to his house, but am going by where he told me he lives).  Once he sees me, an interesting exchange follows.  I inform him that I don't trust him...I mean, keep in mind that during this one month of dating he has:  Told me he was once engaged when I asked if he had been married on our first date, and I learn on date two he had in fact been married before for a short period of time; he may or may not have stolen $40 and drank me out of house and home on date number 3; and now he has decided to avoid his location to me on what could have been date numero 4. Because I like the attention I get from Charming Charlie I decided to let him apologize and accept it after a little bit of arguing.  I knew I wasn't going to end up being Mrs. Charlie, who argues and loses trust in someone only one month in and keeps trying at a relationship, but I didn't necessarily want the fun to end right now either.

Come Saturday night, sitting at my parents house, pouring myself a bourbon and diet coke and discussing this odd interaction with him to my mother.  She says to me, "If I knew something about him, would you want me to tell you?"  Ummm...yes, please, tell me what you know about this fellow, who is from another state, who is 39 and with whom you have nobody else in common.  I figured she did some background check on him, but in actuality she found some information out another way.  Well, it turns out I'm not the only one he stole money from, $40 to be exact, and apparently a drinking problem is the least of the worries, oh and we also discovered there is a lapse in his occupation history.

So things with this charmer are done, I'm assuming he knows I am suspecting him since I haven't heard from him in two days, but I'm not exactly feeling ready to call him now and end it, I'd like to wait until he reaches out.  Mind you I will not use his real name because of the slight fear I have of any repercussions, however, you literally cannot make this up.  I swear to you, this is real.  Now I'm back out in the field again, just hypersensitive to my cash, my booze, and of course my trust.  WOW.  Right??

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Loose for Lose

Lately I keep seeing people misuse the word "loose" for "lose" when making status updates on Facebook.  Now, I'm no word snob, shoot, it takes nearly an hour to post something because I spend so much time on word, editing its content.  However, it still drives me crazy because to lose a game is not the same as to loosen a belt buckle.  But it has got me thinking.  To lose your shirt will in turn, make you loose.  To lose your pants, well, clearly, you are "loosey goosey".  So it is funny to me these words that get exchanged for one another in the wrong context can actually be used to narrate a story better when used together.

This isn't a grammar lesson of the day, it is actually a lead into my story with, as my sister calls him, 39. Or as you all know him, "vodka goggle date". Our exchange has continued, daily texting with a flirt or two for effect or an email or 6 throughout the day if the texting is too tedious for yours truly.  This is a guy who listens so intently to all I say, proof being every time he tries to tell me one more thing I said on the first night we met and I have to tell him to hush and not dwell on the past... because, apparently, my mouth after vodka is a sea of stupidity.  Why this guy wanted to go out with me again is still utterly lost on me. I can guaranty you it isn't because I was "loose". Anyway, we have since had a second rendezvous.

I was a little timid to put out there I would like to see him again, as the vibes he was putting out there was that he enjoyed my texts and emails but I wasn't getting that he was much interested in seeing me in person, since he hadn't yet asked me out again.  So I can't beat around the bush, I'm a girl who needs answers or my brain gets flooded with incoherent scenarios. So put it out there I did (not put out, just to clarify another use of the word exchange) and he accepted. I'd say that this past Saturday night I had one of the most fun dates I have ever had.  Ol' 39 came over with two bottles of wine and we sat on my couch until 3 in the morning just talking. Literally, keep your minds out of the gutters, just talking.  See, I kept the conversation loose, not my body, and I think that actually kept me from not losing out on a 3rd date.  It only took me 31 years to realize my conversation skills actually can keep someone interested. Or the fact that I have the most comfortable couch ever and nobody wants to leave it.

So here we are planning date number 3 and this is all new territory.  I'll keep you posted as my stupidity sea mouth is now closed for business since Vodka has left the building; however, this isn't to say that I can't finagle amazing moments of sober stupidity as well.  As always...stay tuned.  PS: He mentioned to me on our super fun date that I should have a site up for some of my stories...at what point do I tell him? hahaha!