I am Sally...

I've been going through an interesting period of my life lately. I've been sick for the better part of 8 weeks and I've been bitch for the better part of 6, needless to say, I've been a bit testy.  So this weekend I decided to take it all into consideration, figure out my strategy for healing not only my immune system, but my soul too.  Before I started that little journey, I sat down to eat a lovely breakfast I made, after I cleaned up the mess my broken garbage disposal had made all over my kitchen...The licks just keep on coming! When I finally sat down to eat my cold eggs and cold turkey bacon, I turned on the television and found When Harry Met Sally just starting.  I've never really liked this movie, much because when it was released my relation to the 80s had to do with care-bears and my little ponies, not fake orgasms at a diner or defining male/female relationships.  But this time, I gave it a go. And low and behold, holy shit...I AM SALLY!  
(Let's be real, I am also her friend in the movie who will not actually accept reality and will play in the land of make-believe until she gets married.)

But I finally related to Sally. Of course as I am writing this, it is now occurring to me that I'm not actually Sally. I don't have a divorced male friend who I can tell all my secrets to and consider him a "bestie", but I can relate to being single, and not knowing still what I want out of life. I was talking to the closest thing I have to a "Harry" character the other night and found myself saying that I wasn't sure if I wanted the marriage and kids because I have so much freedom being single.  Unfortunately, I don't really take all that much advantage of the freedom. That's another point in my relation to Sally. She was in a relationship that neither wanted to get married nor wanted kids, because they had the freedom to fly off to Rome on a moment's notice or make love on the kitchen floor.  But they never did those things. And neither have I. I flew to Rome last year because my job sent me and the only reason I have been on my kitchen floor lately is to clean up the mess from my garbage disposal. I guess in the mean time before I, if ever, get the marriage and the kids, I should do what I can about spontaneity. I have no intention of doing anything on any floors, but making a trip out of the blue, well, yes, I do see this as a near possibility. Rome..who knows! Georgia? maybe! I'm going to take this Sally on a vacation and do something out of the blue until I meet my Harry. I hope you do the same!

2011...weird

So it is January 28th and this year is already chalked up to weird.  Let's start on the health side. I've had 6 ear infections in 5 weeks, okay 4 of them were in 2011 and 2 in 2010, but emphasis for dramatics needed.  I have had the flu, tubes put in my ears, antibiotic overload, yoga underload, and an overall pissed off attitude directed completely at my body, bones to skin, fingers to toes.  I received a new washing machine for Christmas and in 2011 had to replace it already.  I got a new cell phone, only to put a request in for a new one 6 days later because the one they sent me was well, a lemon.  I have had the electricity on the back half of my house removed, only to get the electricity company who was to fix it to not call me back. I use a flashlight to go to the bathroom downstairs and an extension cord to do laundry from the utility room to the kitchen.  My car has died on me and I had to buy a new battery. The 25 year old secret rendezvous'er I was having a very flirty relationship with and an occasional secret rendezvous has started to disappear via text, which makes it awkward when I see him daily 25 feet from where I work. 

Now, on to the other weird...My past has made an appearance in 2011. I can now wear shoes I couldn't wear comfortably 6 years ago with ease.  An old colleague of mine reappeared right after the first of the year and we met for drinks. I had neither seen nor heard from him in 5 years.  Reference the Unconditional Journey blog post.  After a wedding two weeks ago, as I was leaving the "after the reception" party at a hotel at 2 AM, I looked up and saw a fling I had when I went to Brazil who at the time lived in Dubai, had since moved to Malaysia and was originally from Scotland, standing in the middle of the lobby at a hotel in Houston. We hadn't spoken since Brazil, two and a half years ago.  Last Monday my phone in my office rang and on the other end was a guy I met on spring break in 1999 in Destin, Florida from Macon, Georgia and at the time I was living in Austin, Texas.  He found me 2 years later in 2001, we lost touch somewhere around 2003.  He found me again nearly 8 years later.  This past monday I signed on to Facebook having no idea I was logged on to "facebook chat", and the Italian stallion himself, Alessandro, popped up and invited me to come to Italy to visit him again to "finish what we started". Oh god!  If that's not strange enough, I woke up this morning to find an email from a man I haven't spoken to in nearly 6 years, who happened to be first guy I ever loved and my most significant relationship.  WHAT???  Is my past haunting me for a reason? Do I keep getting all of these illnesses because I have unfinished business from 1999, 2002, 2008 and 2010?  Who will pop up next?  I'm getting haunted by my overzealous past and amazed at this odd turn of events, well, backwards turn of events.

My 2011 so far, literally, will not let me move forward because I cannot seem to get well and it won't let me move on because my past is shamelessly reappearing.  I have been watching a lot of Sex and the City reruns lately and am wondering if this is why it is all happening. Are the stars aligning with the fact that I can now relate more than ever to their "30-something" references and I now have to repent for the stupidity of my 20s? No...I shall not regret what kept me free spirited, I will only use those experiences, not mistakes, to make for juicier ones in my 30s.  

Like I always say, I do not regret the things I have done, but those I have yet to do.  

However, with that said, to my past, if you choose to rear your head in 2011, do it with good stories to share with friends and strangers. Don't make me bury you with the denim vest and orange patent leather platforms of my wardrobe mistakes past. It is dark and cold in that vault and only a few are aloud to walk the streets with those memories. Sincerely, Me in 2011.

Unconditional Journey

Happy new year!!  I have started this new year off with quite a bang!  2 ear infections, sinusitis, a blown fuse box and 1 meltdown. But through it all I've kept a relatively positive and upbeat attitude about everything, despite the urge to scream once or twice.  So with that said, I've been at a loss for a blog update, I have had no great stories to retell of bad dates or embarrassing nights out. To each of you readers, I apologize in my boring behavior and promise I will do my best to take it up a notch soon. 

In the mean time, last night I had dinner with an old friend whom I haven't seen in nearly 5 years.  We caught up on life as it is now, mutual friends, the old workplace and the such.  He told me about what I can only describe as an amazing relationship with his wife. He's in love with her and it was so refreshing to hear a man talk that way about his wife. He used the phrase when discussing their life together as an "unconditional journey". He said he didn't come into this marriage with conditions or clauses, it was an unconditional journey they are taking together. I thought, what an amazing way to look at life.  So I am going to apply that to my own life. Now I may not have a relationship in the biblical sense right now to have an unconditional journey with, however, I do with my family, my friends and myself.  So I make no more apologies to my friends and family for the stupid things I say, the moronic acts I make and the self loathing scenarios I find myself more often than not. Why do I not apologize? Because we came into this relationship without clauses or conditions, we too are on an unconditional journey together.  My friends and family's journeys may include families, spouses, children, mortgages and responsible behavior, but they didn't ask that of me when they invited me into their lives.  I will unconditionally love them and their screaming children and their nagging spouses and their loving, yet usually unsolicited advise. In the mean time I will continue to muck up the dating scene with these men written for books which should be called "Unsuspecting poorly written men for the suspecting poorly esteemed woman".  I will not apologize for the behavior that ensues when I drink too much wine when I divulge these stories, and I will expect you (unless you are in fact expecting) to drink just as much alongside me. 

For this journey, friends, family and strangers, are on with me, I unconditionally invite you to explore the next chapter with me. 2011, may it bring laughter, tears, drama and a look into the single life reality and may you have the seat right next to me on the roller coaster through it. Cheers!

Some things never change

Last night I invited two ladies who I have done business with for the past 3.5 years for drinks for the holiday.  Now I met these women when I started my job and consider them my mentors.  I have thoroughly enjoyed learning more about them and they becoming more than business acquaintances and more than my mentors, they are my friends.  I respect their opinions and have sought their advice on career choices and networking.  Last night I had every intention of thanking them again for all they have done and then turning the conversation back to me and what advise they may have for me in some issues I am having at my job right now (no, not the guy, literally, the job).  However, the conversation turned quicker into a gab and gossip fest than I could have imagined and it was amazing!  These two women both in their 40s, both single, both who travel the world on a weekly basis, and both whom I have more in common with than I ever imagined.  It is really great to know that no matter how professional you are in the work field, that we women are nothing more than girls on the inside ready to gossip!

One woman we will call, Sahar, who I have admired for so long told a story about her first date and used the phrase "all he wanted was a kiss and to make sweet love".  The other woman and I nearly died!  Tears fell from my face from laughter as I looked on at this Turkish woman who did not realize the implications this phrase would have.  The other woman, Diba, was hilarious.  We started swapping dating stories, hers way more exciting than mine and when I told her about the thief?? Her jaw dropped to the floor and she said to me "you need help"!  She's right, I do.  She offered to set me up with someone in Afghanistan, this would be better than what I have now?  Well...yes.  We laughed until we cried, it was an evening that took a twist that I could have never imagined!  It was amazing.  Some things just never change between women, wine and gossip.  When I informed them I had just had my third laproscopy, Diba told me with Sahar in agreement "you need to have more sex".  WHAT?  How could this be coming out of their mouths?  How will that change anything with my issues? But then I realized, maybe they are right. Look at their lives.  They are successful, travel the world, have plenty of self earned money, have men all over the globe and a back up plan as well.  Maybe that is the answer, keeping myself sheltered has gotten me thieves and morons...Let's see what comes of this advise.  I will probably consider it but never find myself able to actually go through with it.  However, maybe it has given me the courage to be more adventurous.  Maybe trying a new restaurant isn't enough, maybe finally cashing in those miles I have worked so hard to build and trying a new restaurant in Ireland will do it.  

This is the time of year where New Year's Resolutions are coming, time to make changes, make admissions to yourself, forget the past and move on to the present...What will your resolutions be? 

To play or not to play the game

So recently I've been faced with the question on whether or not it is more fun to play the game or get out before the 7th inning stretch.  So I thought it would be a good idea to find someone and keep him at an arms length.  Tell them getting close not good because I'm too much older he being 25.  So I decided to have the balls in this scenario and tell him it could go nowhere, that it would be our secret.  Only to think that the first run in we had would be our last.  Unfortunately I was shocked by his sudden urge in texts and calls the following week.  Every day numerous texts, a few flirty, mostly funny and some good conversations on the phone.  However, I made it my mission to make sure he realized this was nothing more than a secret. And then it happened...he disappeared before I had a chance to realize I had already developed a crush.  He pulled his texts out from under me.  So the question here is, did I get played or did I actually play it too well that I caught myself off guard??  So what does one do at this point? Play it cool, something I have never been known for? Do I actually pursue a reasoning behind what happened when I should realize the reason was me saying "don't get any ideas"?  I'm certain it is for the better that this has gone nowhere significant, however, I found someone I liked hanging out with and more importantly I enjoyed the attention I was getting from him.  So in the end, this blows. I was ready to close down 2010 with a fling for the book...but instead I'm ending it with silence.  Bummer.


Sometimes I amaze myself at the stuff that comes out of my mouth and then the things that come into my life.  Here's to hoping I will at some point be playing the game with someone who knows how to deal with the cards I have dealt...