The Love of My Life

Yes, I met him, in fact, I've known him for nearly 7 years and as of recently I realized he is the perfect male. He is the only constant in my life who will not just let me cry into him, but will actually lick the tears off my face. He is the only male I can get mad at not for not taking out the trash, but getting into it, and he will still love me, sometimes even more. He is the one constant in my life where I wouldn't question paying for anything he needs, because in return he gives me companionship. I'm sure you have guessed by now, but this is my nearly 7 year old lab.

Who can resist this face?

I found him in a time in my life when I was feeling lonely. I had been living in Dallas and alone and with no real dating relationships worth discussing or better yet, even blogging about. My friends in Dallas were all in relationships with their now spouses, I was an outsider, I just didn't really fit in. I was sitting in my grandmother's living room in November of 2004 when my mother and sister returned from their walk and said they found a dog for me. I couldn't believe it, was I ready to make this commitment? One look at his awkwardly trotting self with his jowls pulled back so far it looked like he was laughing as he was coming towards me and I knew, this was a male I could really love.

The rawhide

In all these years, he's only betrayed me once. He met an ex-boyfriend not long after I brought him home and he cozied up to him. I told him he was a traitor, but he just sat down to chew on a rawhide, he wasn't concerned. It isn't the person that affects him, it is the emotion behind their actions. This is something we should all think about sometimes. One time he wasn't a fan of a male suitor who was over, so he hopped up on the couch while I was in the kitchen and the guy was laying back relaxing. My dear sweet pup turned around, made his tail go as high as he could and released, right in his face! I laughed hysterically, the guy chuckled, but he left soon thereafter. Point taken. He'll cozy up to the mailman if he senses kindness in his heart. and He's also stood watch while an AC repairman was in a bathroom, telling me full well he didn't trust that guy, and in turn, neither did I. Unfortunately, he couldn't read the lying drunken thief that well either, but that guy was a pro at being a con (oxymoron in terms).

He loves stuffed animals

Last week he had a health scare. My sweet pup was aching, he groaned, he panted, he refused a treat and when he refused cheese I rushed him to the vet. Show me a lab that refuses cheese and isn't sick, and I'll show you money. After many tests, xrays and ultrasounds it resulted that my sweet boy had severe acute pancreatitis. He spent a week at the vet and in the hospital, fasting and on IV's and pain meds and now is finally home recovering. He struggles with being his usual playful self but when he has noticed the concern on my face, he tries to show courage. He's licked the tears off my face quite a few times in the last week and I have wiped what looked like tears off his. He's not just a dog, he's not just my kid, he's my best friend. If you have an animal, you will understand. It isn't their actions that affect you, it is the way they love you. They only react to what they receive. When he was a puppy and if I left him for too long, he would chew up the boxes my shoes were in, but not the shoes. It was a sort of, 'you see the damage I can do, just see what I'll do if you try it again', type of threat. I loved him for that, he respected the shoes, but knew what he was doing and I understood!

Can't you see the concern he has?

I think 7 years ago he saved me from my depression and from not coming out of it. I had to leave my house multiple times a day when I got him, he had to go outside and not long after he came into my life, but so did some new friends and sunshine and soon, light. It is my turn now to do what I can to save him and I will. I have many more heartbreaks ahead of me from a guy or 6 who will come into my life and out, which means more tears to lick away and a big furry neck to nuzzle in when I need it. Somebody asked me the other day what I thought he would be like if he were human, I thought he's perfect how he is now, this is how he was meant to be.

Now if you have a dog or hell, even a cat you walk on a leash, give them an extra hug tonight. That's ultimately all they want, well, and some cheese.

Also, if you are in the Houston area and looking for a place to donate, I highly recommend Gulf Coast Veterinary Specialists. They are the best, they made him better and have answered everyone of my hysterical calls and they too, let me cry without judgment!

Repeat offenders

Something about this time around on "interweb dating" isn't as funny. I think because I am actually getting matched up with some people who seem somewhat more my style. But of course, there are those few...

 

When I was on eharmony.com last year I was matched up with a guy who went to high school with my sister. I wasn't interested in him and think that if I am going to pay money to date (similar to a prostitute, but not) then I am not going to go on a date with someone from my small hometown. Well I quickly closed him the first time and this was during the "you must give a reason" to why you are closing someone. They had a box for me to check which was "in another relationship". This seems quite ironic to have that option while on a dating site, but I still thought it was a softer blow than "based on statements in your profile" or something along the lines of not liking their pictures. A little background on this fellow, we will call him Anil (I just looked down and saw that name on a document of mine from work...it works). Anil and I were also friends on facebook. He was one of those "serial status updaters". He often put he wanted a girlfriend, he hated going to be early, my favorite one "tonight I am going to drink until I can't think" and so on. He was lonely, I understand being lonely. I don't understand making status updates about it. He did eventually get a girlfriend, he made it "facebook relationship status" official. Then it wasn't about a month or so later that the relationship status quickly changed back to single and daily rants about being lonely, his crazy ex-girlfriend, the fact they were trying to work it out, oh wait, she was still crazy and that he was glad he had a dog to snuggle with while he doesn't have a girlfriend. Again, I have a blog, I get this, but I prefer to make light of my empty bed rather than ask pity for it. Well...turns out, eharmony believes we are compatible yet still. I feel like eharmony is somewhat like my friends who set me up with people just because they are single and not actually because we have anything else in common. It doesn't matter, I closed him without knowing who he was. I only saw that it was Anil from Humble. Here's the situation for any of you readers who do not live in Houston. Humble is a town outside of Houston. It is, without a doubt, a suburb. I have no issue with suburbs, like I've said before, but I do not date outside Houston city limits. This city has 8 million people in it, about 4 million of them are men and about 1.5 million of those men are single. I feel like my chances are pretty good. Well, I had recently de-friended Anil on facebook as his status updates were just depressing and his "liking" a photo of mine was somewhat disturbing considering, yes I am one of those people that says yes to most friend requests, but I don't actually think I have 518 friends and their liking my pictures is kind of weird. Right? Either way. He sent me an email and another friend request calling me out on closing him "I guess it's weird we got matched up on eharmony again. Clearly you aren't interested, and that's fine. Best of luck". Now, if I have closed you AND de-friended you, why would you go to these lengths? Flattered, a little. Interested or intrigued? absolutely not.

Next we have a guy I have gone out with twice. He is so kind, a little funny and cute too. He is also my first back on eharmony date and just like my first internet date ever (4 years ago), he too walks his cat on a leash. How have I managed to go out with two men who walk their cats on leashes and live in a town home complex with an older gentleman who also walks his cat on a leash? Have I missed the memo that this is now acceptable? I think that's where he went wrong and how he has pretty much killed any chance of me having butterflies. The image of him walking out his front door, down the hall, getting on the elevator, walking through the lobby and out to the front of his building, and down the sidewalk, all the while having a cat walk with him on a leash!! It is too much of an image, one I can't escape. Not to mention he got so enthralled on our first date with the pictures of his cat on his phone that I actually started feeling uncomfortable and wasn't sure if I should make a call just to have the minutes go by faster. I like a man who loves animals, but there is a limit.

I am stepping out of my comfort zone. Tuesday night I went out with a 41 year old, divorcee, father of 2 and HE gave me butterflies. This was completely unexpected. I didn't want to go out with anyone with kids nor did I imagine I would go out with someone 10 years older than me with kids and have fun. But I did, I was shocked. I'm growing up, as I told my sister, but I'm still queen of finding a fault to get over the blow of rejection should it come. If he shows up with a parrot on his shoulder on Sunday, I'm done.

We are back together

Yes, after 10 months apart, eharmony.com and I are giving it another go. I signed on again, I started completely over, I answered all the questions again that took me 6 months to answer 4 years ago and this past Saturday it took me 45 minutes. Apparently 4 years ago I was a little too much of a booze hound or unsure about myself (wait, isn't that one in the same) and now, I was sober (on Saturday) and more confident in what I want and my answers to questions like "rate yourself on the following...". So far I have for sure been matched up with 2 people I was matched up with before and one of them I went out with...never to hear from him again. I immediately closed him, I would like not to venture through tunnels of darkness again! 

I was "closed" this morning by two men who had taken one look at my profile and immediately shut me down. It occurred to me, to automatically close someone on eharmony that the website had just that second matched you up with is similar to a friend of yours in a bar saying "hey, I want you to meet my friend" and their friend looks at you, turns around and walks away. Straight and to the point, clearly, not interested. It is called ripping off the band-aid dating. So I'm going to do the same, quick, easy and if you are confident enough, painless too. 

Also, at which point will eharmony.com realize that Sugar Land, Katy, Manvel, Humble, Spring and Bay Town are NOT Houston? I'm not saying either is better or worse, but I live in this city and they in theirs. I am not on the bachelor or bachelorette, I have no intention of moving to the suburbs for someone and let's be honest here, I don't intend to drive there for a Saturday night out either. I have no issue with the towns themselves nor the people that are from there, I have an issue with gas mileage! Have you seen the prices? It is one thing that I am again forking over some of my hard earned income to pay to meet someone or not meet someone for that matter... I can't then delve into the pockets even more at this point to find them outside of my little inside Beltway 8 bubble! These are just the first thoughts I have 3 days in...

This is it

So it was a month ago that I last posted about that debacle in Rome...it has taken a month for me to contemplate all that went on during that fateful night and the weeks, months and year that led up to it. I have come up with a theory, for so many years my fantasies, the things I wished for and I wanted and I could picture in my head happening, well, they didn't. I would always get some warped, picked up at the local convenient store generic version of the fantasy or dream that I had. Hence, the soup kitchen turned berated match in a bar called Trinity College in the middle of Rome. Of course I wasn't swept off my feet, I thought about it too much, I pictured what I wanted to happen...I "cinematized" what I wanted and I got Jersey Shored back to reality.

So now that I understand it isn't in the dream it is in the reality, I'm setting forth with my head fully in the game. This weekend I will get back on the train of the internet dating, I will see what life has to offer in the cyber world of relationships and I will inform you about each and every one of those train wrecks. Am I hoping for a train wreck? No. Do I actually want to find someone who will make me laugh and vice versa and want to spend more than 2 dates with me? Yes. Would I rather get a train wreck before something dramatic or worse boring for my dating tales? Hell yes!

I will keep you posted as long as you stay posted with me...let the journey begin again! Cyber on friends

Lesson Learned...in any language

Hi all!  Well here I sit in my hotel room in Rome again. How lucky am I that I am back here for the third time for work and it just so happened I found it cheaper to fly in on a Saturday AND I was still friends with my Italian date, Alessandro, on facebook. I was so excited to tell him I would be coming to Rome. I couldn't wait to get pampered and be flirted with and doted on in a foreign accent with incomplete sentences. I imagined him coming up to me in his "motor-cycle" said with an enforced second syllable with flowers hanging off his arm and a giant smile on his face. I was ready for him to pick me off my feet and take me to eat something amazing and talk about life, politics, Bikram yoga and how unapologetic-ly happy we were in our lives. You may already know this, but I sometimes have to find out, in unpleasant settings, life is not like the movies.

Alessandro and I had facebook chatted about 10 times in the past 3 weeks.  Our chats consisted of when I would be in town, when I would call him and whether or not he was sure he remembered me. He threw out a memory or two that did not ring a bell with me, but I didn't care, he was the only person I knew in Rome.  I sent him a facebook message this morning letting him know I had arrived, I was still hesitant to give him my actual phone number, I think because sometimes I wondered if it were a language barrier or if he were in fact the slightest bit retarded and I couldn't risk that type of publicity. :) Either way he had the night off work tonight, but suddenly (?) it had been revoked and instead he had to work. Mind you he is a waiter and any night's work is good, so I didn't hold it against him. We decided to meet for lunch.

After getting turned around on the metro system, not once, not twice, but three times, I finally made my way to where he told me to go. Then he greeted me on his "Motor-cycle" with my own helmet to wear. We went for lunch at a place that was, well, more like a soup kitchen. I played along. Cute guy, little money, eating out of a pie sheet, sure, why not? I mean, sure he talked more about being depressed and angry than most people do on a date, but I was removing my non-certified therapist hat and letting him rant and hoping for an ending to it. Then he went to work. I debated on whether or not to meet him later at his work, I was tired, he wasn't getting off until 11, but I reminded myself, "Hadalina, it is Rome, just do it". So I did. I walked aimlessly around the city then metro jumped my way back to my hotel, showered, changed, and headed back about 9:30. After all, he invited me to eat at his restaurant... a free Italian meal near the Trevi Fountain??? FOR SURE! for not. He encouraged me to order the fish, but I also wanted a caprese salad. He gave me the "really? you sure you want all that food?" look that I did not approve of, but I still ordered it anyway. When I politely took out my work amex to pay for my meal fully expecting if not a complete refusal then a large discount, I was surprised when all he told me was that they did not accept amex. Let's keep in mind I barely ate my fish because it still had the eyes, tail, gills and bones...the only reason it wasn't flopping was because I believe it was flash fried alive (Alessandro ate all of it). Either way, my bill of 63 euros arrived for me to pay. Shocking. But the Italian of my dreams INSISTED I not give him a tip, "maybe a kiss later" is what he said. Okay, I'll give a kiss over a tip on an $86 meal that I didn't want in the first place. "Hadalina, you are vacationing, go with the flow."

He said he would be done with work at 11, but when 12:30 arrived and he still wasn't finished, I nearly left, but I thought, I only have one night and I flew all this way. Finally, he finished and off to a bar we went. At the bar we somehow got on the subject of sex, shocking I'm sure. I informed him it wasn't my thing, I wanted to be committed to my partner. To my complete surprise, this was over the world shocking to him. He snapped at me, told me I shouldn't have come over to Italy if I wasn't planning on that happening. Mind you he must have forgotten the whole reason I am here in the first place is because of work. The conversation got so awkward and angry that even though we came together on his "motor-cycle", we only left through the same door because they only had one to leave from at the bar.

I didn't realize letting someone know you met a year before that you would be back in town meant they expected you to have sex with them, buy expensive meals from their restaurant and leave the tipping up to physical acts of appreciation. I didn't expect that because I'm neither a whore nor an international philanderer. However, I did learn something about men tonight. Never underestimate the power of sex with them. They expect it, they act upon the intention of getting it and they become adolescent children when they don't get it. I find it a bit humiliating and a bit humorous, but as I have said before...I do not regret the things I have done, nor the things I have yet to do. Apologies, Alessandro, you are neither a regret nor a notch, but a damn good story to tell over and over again. However, I am excited to announce my next new project!!

When I return from this triumphant trip of work success, personal growth, and one less potentially sexually transmitted disease, I plan to join back into the online dating world. But not just one particular world, multiple ones, and I plan to keep you informed about it all.  I hope to entertain you, enlighten you (and myself a little) and keep things a little bit more humorous for you from that point on, so stay tuned!!

Until then, ciao!