To close or Not to Close

Tis the question of today.  Recently I found myself playing the field, more than I have ever played it actually.  On date number two with the boy from Georgia as we were leaving I looked up only to see the Cheap Auditor Missionary (CAM) guy walking in.  I held my head down so he wouldn't see me.  Not because I was embarrassed by who I was with, quite the contrary, but I was concerned about the feelings of this guy I had bought coffee for once (let me remind you, that purchase wasn't intentional).  I contemplated closing CAM on eharmony. I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks.  Our last phone conversation was 30 minutes of painful.  His appreciation for deafening silence on the other end of the line is actually painful for me to witness.  But I chose not to close, like I said before, he was my project.  I wanted to be the one who brought him out of his turtle like shell.

Anyway, I went on a drink date with someone new last week, hence playing the field.  Trying to keep my options open while not putting all my eggs in Georgia's basket.  I surprised myself by having a great time!  This guy was funny and I was 100% myself on this drink date, I think because I wasn't really into the idea of going in the first place.  We talked about bad dates we had been on which I started out with "Oh, I can only think of 1, really" and then an hour and 6 bad date stories later, I realized, I was verbalizing the blog.  I was interested by this guy, I thought we had a great time, I was ready to tell the world, "It's my turn to choose".  

and The world said back to me this morning "Bullshit".  He closed me on eharmony.  So I have to wonder why? Was it the story about the date with the 41 year old that turned him off?  The fact that when we discussed kids and we were both in the same boat called "if I meet someone I want to have kids with, then I will.  Until then, I'm not yearning for one". That would be a ridiculous boat name, by the way.  But when I topped off this conversation with "my biological clock isn't ticking, in fact, it's kinda drunk".  He laughed, but who wants to actually date someone who's biological clock is emotionally drunk?  The fact that he closed me doesn't bother me, it wasn't there for him, however, what does bother me is the next person he goes out with he will refer to our date as the "girl who's clock is drunk".  That's not how I intend to be remembered or make an impression.

So in retaliation of this guy closing me (eharmony by the way has removed the "select which reason" section from closings, so I feel i have no actual "closure" with him) I went ahead and closed the Project too.  I feel a little empty inside that I couldn't give him a reason, but I'm freeing him to be someone else's project, someone else can buy him coffee.

So the field I'm playing now is me back on one base with one pitcher (I do not speak baseball, but I'm trying here) and I'm playing for Georgia still, which is great.  This guy makes me laugh, laughs at me, is clearly smarter than I am, but is still open to me, no closure yet.  Stay believing in me readers....I may muck this one up one day too, but rest assured, I have learned to refrain from calling any of my "clocks" drunk!

Happy Thursday!

A Project

I've got a project. I didn't know it was going to be a project until my sister and I were texting Wednesday night and she sent me a text that said "Say buh bye to him" and I found myself saying with emphasis, "I'm not ready to sign him off.  I think there is more to his story" and she said "Oh great...cheapy is ur lil project" and then I realized...he is!

Let's call him Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man.  He's shy, real shy, he has long pauses on the phone that would even make my mother uncomfortable (trust me when I tell you, she is the queen of "I'm disappointed in you silences"...so this is huge).  Well, remember back when I said I was going out with him a few weeks ago?  Well, he invited me to meet for a cup coffee...ahem, he only drinks a few times a year...When I got to Starbucks he was waiting.  I ordered a cup of tea, he ordered some sort of white hot chocolate (oh what those non-drinkers can come up with these days is amazing) and when the barista said not once, but twice "That'll be five dollars and forty cents" - I pulled out my cash (shocked by the fact I even had cash) paid for our beverages and Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man didn't flinch for his wallet, I knew this date would be interesting.

Well I did have a pleasant conversation with him.  But after an hour and a half of sipping some sort of terrible Chamomile Green Tea...blegh...I decided to excuse myself.  I said I needed to go to the grocery store.  I realize this is a terrible way to get out of a date, but I honestly needed food at my house.  When he responded with "Good thing grocery stores stay open until midnight" I was thinking to myself "Oh CRAP, he's stalling me leaving", but actually, mine closes at 9 and it was quickly approaching 8:00, so I had to find my way out.  He struggled with a few more questions about I actually don't even remember, I was concentrating so hard on what I needed from the store...wine was definitely at the top of the list.  So I finally excused myself and ended the date that left me short $5.40, but since I didn't think to myself "I'll never get that hour and a half back" and thought he was kind, I decided if he was interested, I would go out with him again.  This would be my project: I was going to bring him out of his shell.

He has called twice now.  The conversations have been awkward, so much struggle and each time he asked me what I had planned for the week.  Well, I'm a girl about town and I have plans sometimes.  He has still yet to ask me out again, so I'm not sure where this is leading to next, but I'm not asking him on a date.  I've already covered the coffee and carried much of the conversation, so I'm making my project to get Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man to come into his own and ask a girl on a date, in person...err, Over the phone.  Shoot, at this point, just to help him with baby steps, I may even say yes to a text!

I'll keep you posted.  Happy Friday!

My on again off again relationship with eHarmony.com

Okay, you may be thinking it is ridiculous to say I have any type of relationship at all with a website, but I do.  We've been on and off for 3 years, I believe that is considered overtime on a dating website, but I could be considered to be an over achiever.

I gave match.com a try, just once, and found myself having a drink with a guy who yelled everything at me (mind you, not to me, AT me) and who walked his cat on a leash and found dogs irritating.  Needless to say I terminated my one month account with match.com that night.  One night a year later, when I was 27, I thought I would see what eharmony.com was all about.

I found that I was going to have to answer a lot of questions, so I opened up a bottle of pinot grigio and got answering.  Well, I finished the bottle of wine before I finished the questions.  So in typical fashion, I closed my computer and left finding love up to chance.  Fast forward about 8 months on another night and I wondered if those questions I started to answer 8 months before were saved.  I signed in and found I had finished 60% of the Q&A.  I figured since I didn't remember the first 60% of the questions, I should pop open another bottle of wine to finish the last 40% and not remember those.  Not the wiser of choices.

Here's where my relationship with eharmony started to become rocky.  I joined with a 3 month membership (you know, join for multiple months and save multiple 3's of dollars) and I started getting set up left and right.  After I met a boy I got into a relationship with, I cancelled eharmony, it had done its job.  Well, after a 3 month summer romance with this guy, we broke up over the phone.  I decided not only was he dead to me but so was eharmony.  Clearly blame had to be placed, so it was totally the fault of eharmony.

After I'd turned 29 and 30 and been on some unsuccessful set-up dates and had stayed away from eharmony, I decided to give the old "frienemy"another shot.  I logged in and paid for another three months (hey, no reason to throw away money) and went in with an open mind.  After three months of many not fun, but funny dates, I decided to end my membership.  However, when I started to end it I kept getting "matched up" with someone who was intriguing, and so I keep finding myself getting sucked back in.  This relationship is unhealthy, I know.

The issue with answering a billion questions over multiple bottles of wine and over multiple months and never having the option to answer or see those questions again is you risk your match settings with no option for change.  So my choice in men has either drastically changed from when I was 27 until now, which could be true, or my answers were plucked in by a chicken at random.  For some reason I keep getting set up with multiple youth ministers, accountants, fathers (in the literal sense) and tattooed bikers.  What may I ask can one person answer in any one of those questions that can get you a gamut of set ups like this?  Well, get ready, because my next eharmony date is monday!  (sneak peak, he's an auditor/missionary and finds material objects to be subjects evil)...