A Peril of not Being a Plural

I'm sitting on my couch full on Chinese Food and muscle relaxers with a cold pack on my neck...This is the peril of NOT being A plural.  A few weeks ago I had the urge to purchase myself a new headboard and footboard for my bed.  So I went to my favorite website www.overstock.com and purchased it!  I bragged for a week that this new purchase was 5% off the regular price and I only paid $1 for the delivery of the 67 & 32 lbs boxes the bed was coming in.  I had not taken into consideration the fact this bed wouldn't come to my door already put together.  I came home on a Friday night to find these awkwardly shaped boxes leaning up against my front door.  I was so excited!!  Then I decided it was a wise decision for me to finagle these boxes upstairs...by myself.  I straddled, I pushed with my feet, I lifted with my knees, I rested them on my legs, I tried to even balance them on my head like those women in Africa who carry the buckets of water on their heads.  Finally, not on my head, but I was able to get the boxes upstairs.  Because I live alone, I have the pleasure of leaving things until I want to get them done.  The issue is sometimes I'd rather get things done before anyone has a chance to help, even if they offered I would probably say no...because I am an idiot.  Well when I opened these boxes and discovered a 4, count them FOUR page front and back instruction manual I was...concerned.  However, I channeled my dad and all he has taught me about home improvement and reading instructions thoroughly.  I was able to put it together, all by myself.  It only took me two and a half hours, but I actually finished it.  

Now here comes the bad part.  Putting a bed together where a bed once stood means there is lifting and shifting and moving that has to occur.  A girl with a back issue should really refrain from this type of activity.  Well here I am two weeks later with lower back pain, keeping me from my beloved Bikram Yoga and now I have a crick so painful in my neck I can't actually move my head to the left or back, hence my current use of muscle relaxers.

My current peril of not being a part of an "us" has actually crippled me.  Who would have thought that being single would send a person into back spasms and neck cricks.  I think I need to add to what I am looking for in my eharmony profile "A Good HandyMan and good at killing bugs" because let's face it, I need someone willing to hang a picture and kill a spider all at the same time.

Here are some pictures:

The Pieces 

The 4 page instruction manual

Lifting, Shifting and Moving

Channeling Dad's Words of Home Improvement

Finished Product!

My trusty helper...

The Woman Whose Glass is Half Full

Today I had the privilege to meet an old friend of mine from my Dallas days for lunch.  She's who I call "The Woman whose Glass is Half Full".  I've never met anyone quite like her.  Susan was the sales manager at a venue I would hold events at in Dallas and I always enjoyed working with her and over time developed a friendship with her.  She has a zest for life and loves to not only tell stories but to listen to them as well.  In a time in my life when being single was somewhat of a shame, she made me laugh out loud at stories that wouldn't otherwise be funny.  Getting dumped over the phone, getting stood-up, spending night after night at home alone...she helped me laugh at life instead of cry over it.

Anyway, after knowing my friend for a while and hearing stories about her dreamy french husband who pursued her over a few years and won her over and they had a wonderful life together, was actually now in a hospice with a neurological disorder that made him not able to fully communicate and no longer was mobile.  I asked her when she told me this story over lunch one day "wow, how do you do it? how are you okay? how are you working? how did I have no idea you are going through this right now?  Your attitude is always on top of the world." Her response was "How can I be upset? I am sorry for him, that he can no longer do all that he loves to do, but I was lucky enough to have 9 amazing years with the love of my life, I'm thankful for that." Then she became, The Woman Whose Glass is Half Full.  Over the next year in Dallas, she told me tales of her life about trials and tribulations that I would think would cripple someone, well it would cripple me, but she continued to show me there is a life out there to be lived, you should honor your life, be thankful of what you have and be ready for new beginnings.  This is how she lives her life, this is how I try to live mine.

Today when I got lost trying to get to where she was for lunch, I was driving to what should be 30 minutes away and was in the car for an hour and forty five minutes.  I kept calling her apologizing and getting so frustrated and she just kept saying "Don't worry about it, just relax, I'm surrounded by good company".  I was two minutes from giving up when I finally stumbled upon this restaurant.  She was surrounded with what were mere strangers when she arrived and who were already new friends and perhaps a potential new love interest.  We sat together for nearly two hours and talked about our lives now, laughed about the dating world, which nearly 4 years after her husband passed, she had started to get out there again and finding the same speed bumps that I have.  It's good to learn that at 30 and at 60, the single life still has its complications, and the stories are just as funny no matter the age.

Today I got to retell some funny stories, I got to listen to some amazing ones and I had two hours with an inspiration.  I drove home still not sure if my GPS would steer me in the right direction, but realizing that my cup isn't just half full, my cup runneth over.  I may be single, but like my friend, I've been blessed for 30 years with the most amazing people who have come into my life, a few who have left, but all who have inspired me to be more.  I realize this isn't one of the funnier entries, but I can't let anyone go without knowing there is someone like that in this world, who can inspire anyone to get up and get going, complain less and laugh more, cry as much as you want but make sure you aren't alone and someone is handing you a tissue.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and that your cup too, runneth over.

A Project

I've got a project. I didn't know it was going to be a project until my sister and I were texting Wednesday night and she sent me a text that said "Say buh bye to him" and I found myself saying with emphasis, "I'm not ready to sign him off.  I think there is more to his story" and she said "Oh great...cheapy is ur lil project" and then I realized...he is!

Let's call him Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man.  He's shy, real shy, he has long pauses on the phone that would even make my mother uncomfortable (trust me when I tell you, she is the queen of "I'm disappointed in you silences"...so this is huge).  Well, remember back when I said I was going out with him a few weeks ago?  Well, he invited me to meet for a cup coffee...ahem, he only drinks a few times a year...When I got to Starbucks he was waiting.  I ordered a cup of tea, he ordered some sort of white hot chocolate (oh what those non-drinkers can come up with these days is amazing) and when the barista said not once, but twice "That'll be five dollars and forty cents" - I pulled out my cash (shocked by the fact I even had cash) paid for our beverages and Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man didn't flinch for his wallet, I knew this date would be interesting.

Well I did have a pleasant conversation with him.  But after an hour and a half of sipping some sort of terrible Chamomile Green Tea...blegh...I decided to excuse myself.  I said I needed to go to the grocery store.  I realize this is a terrible way to get out of a date, but I honestly needed food at my house.  When he responded with "Good thing grocery stores stay open until midnight" I was thinking to myself "Oh CRAP, he's stalling me leaving", but actually, mine closes at 9 and it was quickly approaching 8:00, so I had to find my way out.  He struggled with a few more questions about I actually don't even remember, I was concentrating so hard on what I needed from the store...wine was definitely at the top of the list.  So I finally excused myself and ended the date that left me short $5.40, but since I didn't think to myself "I'll never get that hour and a half back" and thought he was kind, I decided if he was interested, I would go out with him again.  This would be my project: I was going to bring him out of his shell.

He has called twice now.  The conversations have been awkward, so much struggle and each time he asked me what I had planned for the week.  Well, I'm a girl about town and I have plans sometimes.  He has still yet to ask me out again, so I'm not sure where this is leading to next, but I'm not asking him on a date.  I've already covered the coffee and carried much of the conversation, so I'm making my project to get Cheapy Auditor Missionary Man to come into his own and ask a girl on a date, in person...err, Over the phone.  Shoot, at this point, just to help him with baby steps, I may even say yes to a text!

I'll keep you posted.  Happy Friday!

Blog Followers part deux

Sorry guys, it took a while, but i have figured it out!!  Now I have it fixed. You actually can subscribe via email in the new link added just above the About me section titled, Subscribe to the Plural of Me via Email. 

New Age Dating

Coming from a girl who is trying dating online, I am still very old fashioned when it comes to dates.  I have a few rules for example, from clothing to proper etiquette.

Deal breakers:

1. No Jorts.  Not in your recent history (meaning since you were 10) (unless purchased purely in the interest of Halloween or WT party)

2. No breached visors (this is for my PFLAG ladies).  Unless you are looking through binoculars at a state park...no actually, there is no reason for your hat to be upside down AND backwards.

3. Do not talk to me about your weight and diet issues before we even order.  I have no interest in your chrone's disease, your acid reflux, your poor obese genes nor your excuses for the number of beers you can drink on a weekend because of your intense workout regiment.    I like my french fries, I drink beers slower than water but quicker than a milkshake and I have a soft spot for reese's peanut butter cups.

4. I don't care if we met online, at a bar, over the phone or through a friend, do not ask me out on a date via a text message unless you are one of the following:  

     a. Stuck in a meeting at work and can only think of asking me out.

     b. Lost your voice and therefore can't wait until you find it

  If you do ask me out via text message, rest assured I will tell you I'm not interested in dating you...via text message and if necessary, an emoticon.

5. Do not refer to your mother without a possessive pronoun.  If I do not know her, if I am not your sister nor your best friend from the early stages of life and therefore your mother is like my mother, she is not nor will she be to me: "Mom".  (sidenote - nobody applies)

6. Don't tweet or status update about our date.  You can secretly blog about it, like I do here, but if you tweet our minute by minute date, rest assured by the time you look up from your 4th tweet, your 5th tweet will read "oh, she left".  Need not 140 characters for that.

7. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so don't outsmart me with your legal jargon or accounting equations. I promise you, I'd already stopped listening to you.

8. If you comment on my look, The Face, in a negative way i.e. "You look tired" "You look upset" "You look like someone just kicked your best friend" "You look like you want to kick your best friend" "Do you need to be tickled in order to smile?" - The answer to all of these comments is "Walk Away" - that's the only look you will get from me from now on.

So tell Mom, your dietitian, your blind stylist and your idiot dating coach if any of the above applies, need not move forward.

Now they may have deal breakers too, so I'm just going to lay it all out there:

1. My dog sleeps on a sheet on top of my comforter

2. I sometimes drink wine alone because I like it

3. I have on occasion picked up McDonald's chicken mcnuggets and french fries

4. I do not wash my hair every day

5. I hate folding clothes so much that I sometimes dress out of my dryer

6. I have cried, more than once, watching reality television 

Well, just some tid bits to new age dating, you learn your deal breakers the more dates you go on.  I have unsuccessfully been matched up with over 500 guys on eharmony, I have gone on a date with about 20 of them.  I have learned...A LOT.  I wanted to pass this knowledge on so you too don't get blindsided between a dud and a stud.