Happy birthday! Pretend someone is interested in you

This past Friday I celebrated my 32.2 birthday. You see I don't have to age another year this year because the seasons are so opposite from what I am used to, that I figure, same goes for aging! I wasn't sure how I was going to feel on this birthday. I'm 5000 miles away from so many of the people that I love and cherish, and yet I am here making new friends and experiences and so many adventures. Well I did okay, only 3 times did I let tears fall. People near and people far made me feel so loved, that the tears that were shed were because of an overwhelming emotion of gratitude. But as with every birthday, I reflected over the past year. The changes I have made, the dreams I have had and the blessings for which I am thankful. And then I also remembered, well, there goes another year single. And I am picky, I know, the older I get, the pickier I seem to get which means I have made this lifestyle for myself. And there are really only two days out of the year where it is alarmingly obvious that I am single, on my birthday and on New Year's eve. I'd almost rather spend NYE by myself than with a room full of friends who all happen to be couples because when that clock strikes midnight, I feel like that girl who didn't get asked to dance the last dance in middle school, awkward. I become aware of the situation, I don't get upset about it, I just find it all very obvious, if only to me.

Then…there are those select people who won't let it go. The ones who think the only thing they can socially talk to you about is your dating life. The ones who can turn a conversation so awkward that everyone needs an escape. And that is one of my colleagues. On my birthday one of my best friends had a gorgeous bouquet of flowers delivered to me. Flowers are my favorite gift, they brighten a day, a room, and any attitude. I loved that my dear friend sent them to me. She knows me so well, she knew that would be something I would cherish. So I had them sitting on my desk, basking in the glory of the fact that they were mine, from my friend, I am loved. Then in walks "Sheri", who I find to be one of the more annoying people I have ever not had the pleasure of knowing. First thing out of her mouth "oooh, are those from a guy?". I responded with a big grin on my face and said "no, they are from my good girlfriend". She gave me a look of not just pity, but I swear her eyes filled up with tears. She responds with "oh, I thought they may have been from a man. I'm sorry they are not". I told her I wasn't sorry and I wanted so badly for her to just stop talking. But she's one of those that doesn't stop, even with a mouth full of food while also swallowing her foot, she still goes on. "Don't tell people they are from her, tell them they are from a guy so they think you have someone". Holy shit! Are you serious? I had to tell someone, on my birthday, that I was okay with being single. When I wanted to both punch her in the face and crawl into a hole. 5000 miles away from my social comfort zone where I could make fun of her and her comment until the end of the day was the most difficult part of that entire exchange.

So with 32.1, I did not fall in love, but I did accept a proposal to change my life and move to South America. Now with 32.2, who knows what this year will bring. But it started off with love from friends and family, flowers, tears, reflection and most importantly, laughter.

In the words of R.Kelly, "Take Yo Shit"

So, let´s bring it back to the basics of this blog. I started this little online collection of stories to reflect and laugh about my somewhat ironic dating life. Well, I´ve moved to Santiago and since met a guy who asked me if I could picture us getting serious after we met and went on a walk, I met a guy who offered to teach me Spanish but bartered with a weekend away at his parent´s house and I met someone who invited me for coffee after a Saturday night rendezvous only to ask me for help in getting a job at my company. So, these guys weren´t the ones me. In fact, I realized soon after Mr. One Stop Relationship Talk that I just wasn´t in a place for a relationship. I needed to get to know myself here in Chile and explore and be free and have no obligations. The Spanish teacher informed me that Chilean women would not have read into his offer of meeting the parents and daily chocolates as hitting on them, but merely kind and normal gestures. Side note...how is that ever normal? And Saturday Night Coffee Job Guy...it is one thing to never call, but to not pay for coffee AND still have the balls to ask for help for a job? There is something to be learned here.

Now, on to the next part. I have often heard about girls who leave their underwear or purse at someone´s house after having slept over. And I have never understood that. I mean how do you forget to put on the one thing that must go on before pants? I am going to be blatently honest, it is the first thing I put on before any other clothing. It just becomes a habit after you stopped peeing in your diaper. Am I right? And if you wore a bra out the night before, isn´t that because the braless look was one of two things...inappropriate or uncomfortable? So again, how could you leave underwear that you had on in the first place. And your purse. Really? Your purse? Didn´t you need to reach in there to touch up your makeup before you "woke-up" looking fresh faced and gorgeous? And then you forgot it? If you didn´t feel like wearing underwear home, wouldn´t you use your purse to stuff it in and get the f´ out? Well, I finally came privy to the information that it isn´t forgotten per say, it is actually a tactic. He has something to remember you by OR a reason to call. OR you have literally just guaranteed an embarrassing facebook posting "xx, you left your drawers last night" or in my case, you probably guaranteed indenity theft and credit card purchases at Buckee´s. Either way, I don´t get the forget and dash. I just don´t. I´ve never forgotten to put on my underwear before I leave for work, so how could I do it before I leave to go scarf down that turkey burger to soak up last night´s mistakes? Exactly.

Now, I had a, umm, "friend", come by about 2 months ago. We met up and he was wearing glasses, probably because he needed them to see. But when I found them on my entry table the next morning, you can imagine my disappointment. Now, you were wearing them for site 12 hours earlier, but now you can make it out and down the street and to the subway and on to your parents and just in time to be able to read and write a text message that says "whoops! I´ll come by and get them later.". Umm, no you won´t. We talked about this, but a man needs to see and I can´t throw away glasses. So we met for lunch. We became friends. I invited him to a dinner party at my house with about 15 other friends. He was nice enough to bring a salad. He left when the others left. He got home, went to sleep, woke up, and was able to write and send a text that read "whoops! I´ll come by to get the container I left later." Are you serious? Nope. Here´s the hint, take yo shit. I mean, I appreciate the flirtatious gesture behind it, but let´s grab a hint. After I leave your container at my front desk for you to pick up while I am out of town, sending me a text asking to "stop by" late one Saturday night is still not appropriate.

So far in my time here, I have learned South American men are a whole different breed I need to understand. It´s like 15 years of dating and I am starting all over again. Oh...so much to learn, so little time!