Some things never change

Last night I invited two ladies who I have done business with for the past 3.5 years for drinks for the holiday.  Now I met these women when I started my job and consider them my mentors.  I have thoroughly enjoyed learning more about them and they becoming more than business acquaintances and more than my mentors, they are my friends.  I respect their opinions and have sought their advice on career choices and networking.  Last night I had every intention of thanking them again for all they have done and then turning the conversation back to me and what advise they may have for me in some issues I am having at my job right now (no, not the guy, literally, the job).  However, the conversation turned quicker into a gab and gossip fest than I could have imagined and it was amazing!  These two women both in their 40s, both single, both who travel the world on a weekly basis, and both whom I have more in common with than I ever imagined.  It is really great to know that no matter how professional you are in the work field, that we women are nothing more than girls on the inside ready to gossip!

One woman we will call, Sahar, who I have admired for so long told a story about her first date and used the phrase "all he wanted was a kiss and to make sweet love".  The other woman and I nearly died!  Tears fell from my face from laughter as I looked on at this Turkish woman who did not realize the implications this phrase would have.  The other woman, Diba, was hilarious.  We started swapping dating stories, hers way more exciting than mine and when I told her about the thief?? Her jaw dropped to the floor and she said to me "you need help"!  She's right, I do.  She offered to set me up with someone in Afghanistan, this would be better than what I have now?  Well...yes.  We laughed until we cried, it was an evening that took a twist that I could have never imagined!  It was amazing.  Some things just never change between women, wine and gossip.  When I informed them I had just had my third laproscopy, Diba told me with Sahar in agreement "you need to have more sex".  WHAT?  How could this be coming out of their mouths?  How will that change anything with my issues? But then I realized, maybe they are right. Look at their lives.  They are successful, travel the world, have plenty of self earned money, have men all over the globe and a back up plan as well.  Maybe that is the answer, keeping myself sheltered has gotten me thieves and morons...Let's see what comes of this advise.  I will probably consider it but never find myself able to actually go through with it.  However, maybe it has given me the courage to be more adventurous.  Maybe trying a new restaurant isn't enough, maybe finally cashing in those miles I have worked so hard to build and trying a new restaurant in Ireland will do it.  

This is the time of year where New Year's Resolutions are coming, time to make changes, make admissions to yourself, forget the past and move on to the present...What will your resolutions be? 

To play or not to play the game

So recently I've been faced with the question on whether or not it is more fun to play the game or get out before the 7th inning stretch.  So I thought it would be a good idea to find someone and keep him at an arms length.  Tell them getting close not good because I'm too much older he being 25.  So I decided to have the balls in this scenario and tell him it could go nowhere, that it would be our secret.  Only to think that the first run in we had would be our last.  Unfortunately I was shocked by his sudden urge in texts and calls the following week.  Every day numerous texts, a few flirty, mostly funny and some good conversations on the phone.  However, I made it my mission to make sure he realized this was nothing more than a secret. And then it happened...he disappeared before I had a chance to realize I had already developed a crush.  He pulled his texts out from under me.  So the question here is, did I get played or did I actually play it too well that I caught myself off guard??  So what does one do at this point? Play it cool, something I have never been known for? Do I actually pursue a reasoning behind what happened when I should realize the reason was me saying "don't get any ideas"?  I'm certain it is for the better that this has gone nowhere significant, however, I found someone I liked hanging out with and more importantly I enjoyed the attention I was getting from him.  So in the end, this blows. I was ready to close down 2010 with a fling for the book...but instead I'm ending it with silence.  Bummer.


Sometimes I amaze myself at the stuff that comes out of my mouth and then the things that come into my life.  Here's to hoping I will at some point be playing the game with someone who knows how to deal with the cards I have dealt...

On the mend

It has been a while since my last update. Since I last wrote, we have had Thanksgiving and eaten too much with our families and friends, at least I hope you all did too.  I have also had a 4 hour surgery, as I have referred to it, to save my sanity.  At 19 I was diagnosed with the condition called Endometriosis.  To learn more about it, just click on the word.  This has been something I have struggled with, tried to hide from and tried desperately every which way to rid myself of the pain.  I have had 3 laproscopic surgeries in 12 years, I have been put on induced medical menopause for 6 months (that was a nightmare for me and anyone who came within a 1 mile radius), I have tried 8 different types of birth control pills, I have given up red meat and Peter Pan Peanut butter among other pallet delicacies to try to slow the condition from spreading and I have cried endlessly to OBGYN's, Gastroenterologists, Internists, my parents, my sisters, and my friends. I begged for a hysterectomy at 19 and at 26, I have suffered night sweats and hot flashes, I have left work, missed nights out, carried pain killers and muscle relaxers on every trip, I have become immune to some pain killers and gotten mildly addicted to others after each surgery only to painfully pull myself off of them.

This last surgery, just last Tuesday was the one to "save my sanity".  In September of 2009 I had an episode that made me have an emergency appointment with my doctor, she proposed doing the surgery again, but I put that suggestion aside. Last March I had an awfully painful incident which sent me back to the doctor, she again proposed doing the surgery, but this time not by her but with a specialist.  In April I went on the girls weekend trip and discussed all of the issues that I had been having quite openly with my friends. Never did they know the full extent of all the pain, discomfort, embarrassment, frustration and effects this condition had on my body, my mind and my life.  They agreed with my doctor emphatically "HAVE THE SURGERY".  I got no less than 8 emails / texts from each of them following that weekend with one of two phrases "I'm still hurting from the weekend" and "Have the surgery".

It wasn't until August that I made the appointment with the "Endo" specialist.  A long 5 hour appointment of being poked and prodded and put out for display and an hour and a half of discussions involving the phrases "you could have it much worse" and "you will always live with Endometriosis" but only one sentence that struck a positive chord with me "I will get everything out that remotely looks like it and we will find a treatment to help you." It was the first male OBGYN I had seen since my first diagnosis in 1998, but I felt comfortable with him. Though his analogies comparing me to a plane ride or house hunting scenario didn't exactly sit right with me, he was jolly and optimistic. Something I had missed in a doctor for a while now.

So here I sit on the mend, recovering from 4 hours of surgery with four incisions in my stomach and abdomen. I sit here quietly hoping that something that would typically have triggered a symptom will creep up and I will find that I am at a painless peace again, for at least a while.  However, the pain trigger can't be pulled like the flip of a light switch.  Instead, I must wait patiently to find that one day I will realize I didn't have pain that month, that time, in that instant. Instead, I trusted my body, something I haven't done for years now, and I have relaxed.  I'm hopeful, so extremely hopeful and optimistic that I will have at least a few years of normalcy, perhaps a more restricted diet (but a sacrifice I am willing to make) and just maybe at peace with my body. 

Now I realize this is one of the un-funnier topics I could write on a blog about my single life.  However, there is a point to this post, as I try to make one every time.  I believe now, this tidbit of information, may give you some insight as to not only why I am still single, but why I am a bit neurotic, somewhat timid and all around closed off when it comes to the non-emotional side of a relationship.  You see, this isn't information I share with every suitor, it usually comes up in a relationship, but try using the words "ovaries" "Fallopian tubes" and "uterus" on a date, be it first, third or tenth.  Here's how the conversation goes in their minds:

me: I have scar tissue on my ovaries and

interruption in their mind: her ovaries? Is she talking about wanting babies?

me continuing: Fallopian tubes

interruption in their mind: Fallo-what? Tube? She wants me to get tested with a tube?

me continuing: and uterus and I feel a lot of pain, a lot of the time.

interruption in their mind: Great, she's telling me this information to let me know she's been hurt a lot.  Shit, I wasn't looking for anything that serious yet.  I gotta get out of this. Let me just tell her it will be okay and she doesn't need to talk about it because I can tell it isn't easy.  Then, let's get out of this situation before she talks about tubes again.

Seriously though, it isn't an easy conversation with someone new or serious because in the serious stage then you have to share that having children naturally may not be a possibility.  This is a conversation I have with my therapist about 3 times a year, but the first I have had now, with the world of readers.  So if you know of anyone who has Endometriosis, give them a little space and an ear, because unfortunately, sometimes the only way to help the pain of having this condition is to scream, cry and eat Peter Pan Peanut butter your way through it.

It is December, the month for Holiday parties, too many holiday spirits and a time for a boat load of embarrassing single stories...I will not let you down!  Happy holidays, stay safe, smart and sober at work...:)