My new favorite match

Well I got a "request for communication" on Saturday from a guy we will call, Biff.  I hadn't yet looked at Biff's profile when I got this request, but was sitting with my sister when I decided to read it which was good for a laugh.  First let me say, if you do not have a single picture that is not you holding the camera phone, camera or sitting in front of your computer camera, then that makes me sad.  Your friends don't even want to take a picture of you or with you?  That can't be good.  So, below is part of Biff's eharmony profile (included with a bit of my own commentary):

The one thing Biff is most passionate about:

New York and beach cities  (now I love NYC and I love the beach, but when you live in Houston, you would think your passion may reflect something of which is appropriate for your living situation)

The most important thing Biff is looking for in a person is:

Long-Term Friendship! Nothing is more fantastic than wanting to go out to a cafe or movie and really enjoying the time. This might sound silly, but being able to call that special person and feel like you are not bothering them is a great.  (I am feeling sad for Biff now.  The fact that there are people in his life that he bothers when he calls, or asks them to take his picture?) and by the way, the grammatical error was his, I kept it in for emphasis.

The three things which Biff is most thankful for:  (I'm not kidding, in this exact order)

•             pizza

•             Houston Heights  (for those of you who don't know, this is a neighborhood.  I love my neighborhood, but I wouldn't say it is on one of my most thankful lists)

•             family (his poor family, they ranked behind junk food and a newly renovated neighborhood, I think my family would have something to say about this)

The things Biff can't live without are:  (CANNOT LIVE WITH OUT, the following 5 items are things that keep Biff alive)

•             pizza (okay, this obsession with pizza is a little odd, however, it is food, it is the closest thing on this list that would actually be good in a near death starving situation)

•             Guitar Hero (really?? Guitar Hero?  Unless he has been burglarized while playing said Guitar Hero and in turn nabbed the burglar on the head with plastic guitar, I don't see how this qualifies)

•             New York  (again, he lives in Houston, yet NY keeps his heart beating)

•             River Oaks Theater (it shows movies, now I have never been there myself, but I'm quite certain this isn't a theater that lets you travel time and fix previous life mistakes which otherwise would have turned you certain for death)

•             Agora Cafe (it is a cafe.)

Dear Biff...first, figure out exactly where you live, AND THEN, let's communicate and maybe, go grab a pizza.