I have had several incidents lately where I have pushed my 31 year old status, I've tried to deny it, hide from it, drink or dance it away. Unfortunately, each morning I wake up and my body says to me "Newsflash, Idiot, You are not 21".
Two weeks ago I went out with some girlfriends to celebrate July birthdays. It was a fantastic showing of some beautiful 31 year old gals, and clearly 31 year old pallets and livers. At 21 I would have been under the table after having just my first cosmo. But as 1AM rolled around and our 31 year old bodies said it was well past time for us to be in our ill-fitted pajamas and mouth guards, we headed home. Mind you, I didn't leave without a little flirting and pretending I was still young and cute and yet sophisticated and smart at the same time. This is not easy to do when the intended you are flirting with watches his freshly poured and purchased glass of wine go flying off the table after one of your "hilarious" stories that entailed flailing of the arms. 21 or 31 I don't care what age you are, that ain't right.
Last weekend I headed out to Vail for a dear friend's wedding. I decided to make this my vacation. I was going to go white water rafting, on a category 5 trip, not ever having stepped foot in a rafting boat. Yikes! I was grossed out by the idea of borrowing used booties for my shoes, so my 31 year old self reached into my deep pockets and threw down the $10 to buy them. However, I didn't reach down far enough to buy myself a new wetsuit...who needs one? Well...if you saw the rash on my stomach, you could answer that question now too. Spending 3 hours winding down the Arkansas river at sometimes ridiculous speeds and all the while, trying not to go to the bathroom on myself, because that would be rude to whomever wore the wetsuit after me. Only at 31 do I think of others, at 21...F* 'Em All! Apparently a 21 year old wore it before me.
I woke up the day after the trip realizing I had body parts I was unaware of that could hurt. At 21, these didn't exist...being sore wasn't an issue. At 31, it is nearly debilitating. So knowing what helps a good sore body at 31 is working it out the day after, instead of drinking it away, I decided to hike around town with friends. Then I got my 31 year old saddle-bagged ass on a tandem bike
for one hour with one of my best friends. Because of almost killing two women and a small child while riding tandem, I spent the entire bike ride laughing. It wasn't until the next day when I realized beneath my 31 year old looking stomach, there are muscles...now I just need to spend sometime really locating them for the future, to get that 21 year old body back.
The day after the bike ride and walking, I was done with activity. I'm a 31 year old woman for God's sake...I need a break. Why not stop in a cute little restaurant with some friends called Sapphire and order 3 Bellini's before 3:00, no wait, make that 2:00. Genius! It was time to get ready for the wedding at that point. So I put on my newly purchased $38 shoes, and was immediately made aware of why exactly they were only $38. We were treated to a beautiful wedding in Vail that night, the bride, the groom, the wedding party, the families and the guests all looked great and were definitely surrounded with the feeling of love. Moving on to the reception...
31 years old + $38 shoes = Disaster on the feet. We weren't 1 hour into the dancing when my shoes were off and my white trash roots were on...barefoot at this elegant affair. Thank God the bride is so laid back...clearly this would not have worked at other weddings. 3 solid hours of dancing, air guitar, non-coordinating lip-syncing and clapping, the night ended with laughter, love and joy.
Sunday came along and I was once again awakened by my body with "Newsflash, Moron...You are REALLY not 21!". My body blows. I hobbled my way through the streets of the Vail Village, nearly vomited on the shuttle to Denver, limped through the Denver airport and finally stumbled my way home to Houston. Other than the 9 hours a day I have spent at the office since I have been back, I'm fairly certain I have been asleep the rest of the time. So, with that said. I may no longer have the stamina and agility and body of a 21 year old. However, I'll accept my memories, my bank account that affords me these shenanigans, my 31 year old friends that give me the pain from laughter, and my 31 year old life. I wouldn't trade this for perkier boobs, creekless knees or even a flatter stomach (okay, I wouldn't trade it, but I wouldn't turn down the offer to boost either!). I am thankful for my lines, my rolls (well okay, I'm not crazy about them, but I know why I have them) and my hilarious life I have been blessed with.
No comments:
Post a Comment