Point Taken

I had the pleasure of going to my college girlfriend's reunion this past weekend and it was amazing!  2.5 nights and 3.5 days with 7 of my nearest and dearest.  We sat around and caught up on each others' lives.  We dished about what we hadn't heard and promised to not let another few years go by before our next reunion.

We spent a lovely amount of time relishing in each others' humility from college.  Statements such as "I DID NOT" and "WE HAVE PROOF" were mentioned a few times.  Statements like "I can't believe you forgot that" followed by "I can't believe you remembered that".  We laughed until our stomachs hurt and ate until our stomachs hurt and drank until well....our stomachs hurt.

This was a weekend of gathering new information and relaying the old.  Yup, nobody was spared- the spinsters, the wives & the mothers were reminded of the days of shot gunning beers & picking up strangers on the streets of New Orleans, Destin, Cabo, New York, DC, Austin, Hawaii and Vegas, I believe that covered the gamut of our travels in college and random love interests.

On the first night out at this beautiful hill country ranch we went to bed around 1AM on Friday night and were ready for a beautiful day exploring the bright lights of Fredericksburg, Texas on Saturday, bright eyed and bushy tailed.   How could we have waited all these years to get together for a fun weekend away and gone to bed early?  Well, when 5:00 AM rolled around, while in a hot tub on the side of a hill and all the problems of the world had been solved on Saturday night - we had made up for lost time.  

When Sunday came around and I personally looked like I'd been rode hard and put up wet (it's a Texas phrase, don't get dirty on me) and I made myself get sick so I could make the 4 hour drive home, I was thinking, "man, I'm too old for this".  When I went to bed at 5PM on Sunday and struggled to get out of bed on Monday I thought, "geez, I'm too old for this".  When Tuesday rolled around and I slept through my alarm I thought, "goodness, I'm too old for this".  When Wednesday rolled around and I over snoozed my alarm I thought "Dear God, POINT TAKEN".  There is a reason we wait a year or more in between reunions with college friends.  

My college friends will be there for the rest of my life, but when we get together, no matter the strides, the weddings, the careers or the number of the babies...we can't forget we all did our first keg stands together, we endured road trips, broken down cars, broken down hearts, fraternity parties, bad clothes, worse decisions and we would always wear our "bad idea jeans" together.  We all think "if we did it before, we can do it again".  No keg stands this weekend, our backs are too weak now to do them, but 15 bottles of wine, 2 cases of beer and a set of margaritas split between 7 girls (preggers wasn't drinking)...we learned something.  We have more sophisticated pallets, we can hold our liquor better than when we were 21, but we are, without a doubt, no longer in our 20s.  We get it, POINT TAKEN!

We enjoyed our time together. We cried a little in laughter and a little in strength.  It is these girls who have seen my heart break over and over and helped me deal with some of the toughest decisions I have ever made, that each of us have ever made.  I'm proud of these women I call my friends. To the girls of PFLAG, may you know how much of a chunk of my heart you have and I blame every bit of my bad ideas - turned into amazing stories from college, on you.  The University of Texas at Austin brought us together, but it was laughter that keeps us strong!  xoxo

To close or Not to Close

Tis the question of today.  Recently I found myself playing the field, more than I have ever played it actually.  On date number two with the boy from Georgia as we were leaving I looked up only to see the Cheap Auditor Missionary (CAM) guy walking in.  I held my head down so he wouldn't see me.  Not because I was embarrassed by who I was with, quite the contrary, but I was concerned about the feelings of this guy I had bought coffee for once (let me remind you, that purchase wasn't intentional).  I contemplated closing CAM on eharmony. I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks.  Our last phone conversation was 30 minutes of painful.  His appreciation for deafening silence on the other end of the line is actually painful for me to witness.  But I chose not to close, like I said before, he was my project.  I wanted to be the one who brought him out of his turtle like shell.

Anyway, I went on a drink date with someone new last week, hence playing the field.  Trying to keep my options open while not putting all my eggs in Georgia's basket.  I surprised myself by having a great time!  This guy was funny and I was 100% myself on this drink date, I think because I wasn't really into the idea of going in the first place.  We talked about bad dates we had been on which I started out with "Oh, I can only think of 1, really" and then an hour and 6 bad date stories later, I realized, I was verbalizing the blog.  I was interested by this guy, I thought we had a great time, I was ready to tell the world, "It's my turn to choose".  

and The world said back to me this morning "Bullshit".  He closed me on eharmony.  So I have to wonder why? Was it the story about the date with the 41 year old that turned him off?  The fact that when we discussed kids and we were both in the same boat called "if I meet someone I want to have kids with, then I will.  Until then, I'm not yearning for one". That would be a ridiculous boat name, by the way.  But when I topped off this conversation with "my biological clock isn't ticking, in fact, it's kinda drunk".  He laughed, but who wants to actually date someone who's biological clock is emotionally drunk?  The fact that he closed me doesn't bother me, it wasn't there for him, however, what does bother me is the next person he goes out with he will refer to our date as the "girl who's clock is drunk".  That's not how I intend to be remembered or make an impression.

So in retaliation of this guy closing me (eharmony by the way has removed the "select which reason" section from closings, so I feel i have no actual "closure" with him) I went ahead and closed the Project too.  I feel a little empty inside that I couldn't give him a reason, but I'm freeing him to be someone else's project, someone else can buy him coffee.

So the field I'm playing now is me back on one base with one pitcher (I do not speak baseball, but I'm trying here) and I'm playing for Georgia still, which is great.  This guy makes me laugh, laughs at me, is clearly smarter than I am, but is still open to me, no closure yet.  Stay believing in me readers....I may muck this one up one day too, but rest assured, I have learned to refrain from calling any of my "clocks" drunk!

Happy Thursday!

The Rules of Analyzing

Last week I mentioned I went on one of the better dates I had been on in a long, long, long time and that got me thinking about "The Rules".  Here I was going on a date with a fellow I had met on an internet dating site and we are still forced to play by the rules and play games.  It doesn't really make sense that these apply to internet dating.  This guy already knows the details of what I am looking for in a mate, what I am passionate about and 5 things for what I am most thankful.  Now I am expected to play by the rules of: the ball is in the guy's court, do not look too available and play hard to get.  Helloooooo, we met on eharmony.com, isn't that the definition of being available?  And playing hard to get?? I have put in writing on the internet exactly what I am looking for and now I have to act like they aren't it in order to keep them interested??  As I write this I am jarred with the image of what this particular guy said in his what he is looking for section and that is "someone who challenges me".  I guess that means, if I play by the right rules and I challenge him to get me then it is a win/win, right?  Blegh.

Because of these rules and over-analyzing from comments to choice of wardrobe, I have been left with the unanswered question, "What's next?".  Isn't that the worst part of dating?  What's next?  I mean, it can be the most fun part, but most certainly the most agonizing as well.  I have found myself being unintentionally vulnerable with this guy; I have put out there opportunities to hang out, something I never do in the beginning (I leave it in their court, like the rules suggest) but I have found myself somewhat tricked into doing it.  Not by him, I have actually tricked myself (that takes effort).  For example, on our first date I mentioned I had friends coming to town over the weekend which he said he was going out of town so out of safety I said it was too bad he couldn't meet my friends.  I never would have mentioned this had he said he would be in town.  Well the weekend rolled around and I took a leap by sending him a text message wishing him a good trip and he responds with "good news, I canceled my trip".  What was I supposed to say?  As the famous Friends line goes "keep it breezy".  Was he saying good news because he could hang out or good news because he didn't have to work on a Saturday?  Oh the perils of text messages!  So after a few consultations with friends (all of which, by the way are married) I sent him a text back saying if he wanted to meet up with us later he could.  He politely declined (said he had plans with friends) but did ask me for a second date.  I was relieved he had plans, I mean, meeting my friends as a second date? Too much.  

So date number two comes around which was great.  Casual and simple.  The date ends on a positive and G rated side.  Then I find myself asking is this a gentleman or was that a brush off??  Is this the new-age we are in when a guy doesn't get aggressive that we question whether or not he is actually interested?  Anyone else thinking of that Sex & The City episode?  

Well I wanted to thank him for a great time (I'm southern, I was raised on thank you notes), so I sent an email (less invasive) and I kept it breezy.  He travels for work was going to a wedding this weekend, so I had no intention of seeing him soon (well who's kidding who here, there is always that hope that this boy who you are interested in is actually waiting for you at your door with flowers...but when exactly does that happen outside of the movies??).  When he wrote me back he mentioned he got called out again for travel next week and ends it with "might be free next weekend".  How was I supposed to respond??  12 hours later for start.  Keep 'em waiting, right?  Was he implying getting together again?  Or was he simply just writing down his itinerary for thought?  Seriously, this is what is embedded in the minds of single gals, don't rat me out ladies, you know you have all over analyzed a date, a call, a text, an email, a kiss, shoot, even a laugh "was that at my joke or at my stupidity?  does he know I'm not actually that stupid?" .  Well I thought very carefully about my response.  "I thought, very carefully about my response", how stupid does that sound?  Why is it we sit there over analyzing so much when we have learned there is nothing non-literal about a straight man's reaction or words.  I have been told time after time again, a guy doesn't talk in hidden meanings, so why do the rules tell the ladies to do so?  Why do we expect to be understood when we only talk in hidden messages?  Why can't a girl, say to a guy "look, I think you are interesting, I would like to see you again sometime" and the guy will give an obvious answer.  It may not be good, it may not be bad, but it will be a literal answer.  There is not a way to interpret it nor question it. 

What do you think about this?  or Don't tell me, I don't want to spend more time analyzing your comments. :)  You know, once this is put on paper, it all sounds ridiculous, but hopefully funny too!  Happy analyzing!

The 48 Minute Date

I know it has been a while since my last post, I have actually been surprisingly busy lately!  But I thought it was time to reach out again.  Last night I went on one of the best dates I have been on in oh, I'd say years.  We laughed a lot, enjoyed wine, ate a good meal and to top it off this boy comes from Georgia.  For those that know me well, I have a special place in my heart for Georgia boys.  Well during the date past relationships came up in conversation.  Let me go ahead and let you know, I hate this topic wholeheartedly.  I think we spend too much time dwelling on someone else's past relationships to not give us some sort of worry about where our relationship may go, if there is to be a relationship.  Not to mention, I also hate this topic because my past relationship history is on the border of pathetic and barely there.  He asked me the following question when I tried to skirt around it "Are you picky?"  well, I have been thinking about that a lot.  Am I picky?  Maybe.  I want someone who makes me laugh, who I am attracted to and who, for goodness sakes, adores my family, my friends and of course, My dog!  I once had a friend tell me "You are really picky, maybe you should start getting interested in guys that are heavier".  I really have no idea why this would be a solution to my dating issues, weight isn't an issue.  Well except they can't be skinnier than me and I would prefer if we travel together them to not have to purchase two seats.  I'm frugal.  But either way.  Am I picky?

For a while there if anyone bought me dinner I thought a relationship would be in our future.  I was in a sad place in my life and attention is what I craved.  So I started thinking about the turning point in my dating life with this question and realized that was my 48 minute date.  Some good friends had met this guy through another of their friends and thought (like they all do) "he's single, she's single...I believe this is a match"  Shoot, no fault to them, I thought the same thing at that point in my life.  So I should have seen some warning signs when the first time he called I answered and he said "Whoa, I can't believe you answered when you didn't know who was calling. That's like so weird, I would never do that" and my response was "Oh, I was hoping you may be calling to offer me a job".  What?  Anyway, we decide on a dinner date and he offered to pick me up.  I hate driving so I accepted.  He picked me up and off we went to one of the nicer restaurants in Houston, Catalon.  We sat at a table, right next to the door, I mean, I felt a breeze every time the door opened.  The waiter barely let us get a sentence finished before he kept interrupting to take our order, give us our order, give us the desert menu, give us the check and leave.  I have a sneaking suspicion, this was planned.  When the waiter brought us the desert menu and my date said to me "Oh, these look so good, but I can't eat them. I'm trying to watch what I eat" (and gave me a look of pure disgust) to follow and not to mention he was skinnier than me.  I hate that, I should have ordered a big fat piece of chocolate cake at that point and eaten it without hands, but I was feeling low in the self-esteem department and this clearly didn't help.  So he paid the bill and took me home.  I got out of the car at the end of my driveway and I can say with certainty, he did not come to a complete stop.  

48 minutes you may think to yourself isn't terrible.  However, 48 minutes included picking me up, ordering food, insulting me with weight talk and dropping me off without stopping the car.  That is a record.

It is dates like these that help you realize dates like I had last night are actually good ones.  To all of you out there who have been on a 48 minute date, gotten dropped off without putting the car in park and/or wanted to stuff your face in chocolate cake and wine at the end of it...rest assured there is someone out there who will straight up enjoy their time with you...either that or be one helluva actor and Shoot...who can complain about that??

Happy Friday!