Last week I mentioned I went on one of the better dates I had been on in a long, long, long time and that got me thinking about "The Rules". Here I was going on a date with a fellow I had met on an internet dating site and we are still forced to play by the rules and play games. It doesn't really make sense that these apply to internet dating. This guy already knows the details of what I am looking for in a mate, what I am passionate about and 5 things for what I am most thankful. Now I am expected to play by the rules of: the ball is in the guy's court, do not look too available and play hard to get. Helloooooo, we met on eharmony.com, isn't that the definition of being available? And playing hard to get?? I have put in writing on the internet exactly what I am looking for and now I have to act like they aren't it in order to keep them interested?? As I write this I am jarred with the image of what this particular guy said in his what he is looking for section and that is "someone who challenges me". I guess that means, if I play by the right rules and I challenge him to get me then it is a win/win, right? Blegh.
Because of these rules and over-analyzing from comments to choice of wardrobe, I have been left with the unanswered question, "What's next?". Isn't that the worst part of dating? What's next? I mean, it can be the most fun part, but most certainly the most agonizing as well. I have found myself being unintentionally vulnerable with this guy; I have put out there opportunities to hang out, something I never do in the beginning (I leave it in their court, like the rules suggest) but I have found myself somewhat tricked into doing it. Not by him, I have actually tricked myself (that takes effort). For example, on our first date I mentioned I had friends coming to town over the weekend which he said he was going out of town so out of safety I said it was too bad he couldn't meet my friends. I never would have mentioned this had he said he would be in town. Well the weekend rolled around and I took a leap by sending him a text message wishing him a good trip and he responds with "good news, I canceled my trip". What was I supposed to say? As the famous Friends line goes "keep it breezy". Was he saying good news because he could hang out or good news because he didn't have to work on a Saturday? Oh the perils of text messages! So after a few consultations with friends (all of which, by the way are married) I sent him a text back saying if he wanted to meet up with us later he could. He politely declined (said he had plans with friends) but did ask me for a second date. I was relieved he had plans, I mean, meeting my friends as a second date? Too much.
So date number two comes around which was great. Casual and simple. The date ends on a positive and G rated side. Then I find myself asking is this a gentleman or was that a brush off?? Is this the new-age we are in when a guy doesn't get aggressive that we question whether or not he is actually interested? Anyone else thinking of that Sex & The City episode?
Well I wanted to thank him for a great time (I'm southern, I was raised on thank you notes), so I sent an email (less invasive) and I kept it breezy. He travels for work was going to a wedding this weekend, so I had no intention of seeing him soon (well who's kidding who here, there is always that hope that this boy who you are interested in is actually waiting for you at your door with flowers...but when exactly does that happen outside of the movies??). When he wrote me back he mentioned he got called out again for travel next week and ends it with "might be free next weekend". How was I supposed to respond?? 12 hours later for start. Keep 'em waiting, right? Was he implying getting together again? Or was he simply just writing down his itinerary for thought? Seriously, this is what is embedded in the minds of single gals, don't rat me out ladies, you know you have all over analyzed a date, a call, a text, an email, a kiss, shoot, even a laugh "was that at my joke or at my stupidity? does he know I'm not actually that stupid?" . Well I thought very carefully about my response. "I thought, very carefully about my response", how stupid does that sound? Why is it we sit there over analyzing so much when we have learned there is nothing non-literal about a straight man's reaction or words. I have been told time after time again, a guy doesn't talk in hidden meanings, so why do the rules tell the ladies to do so? Why do we expect to be understood when we only talk in hidden messages? Why can't a girl, say to a guy "look, I think you are interesting, I would like to see you again sometime" and the guy will give an obvious answer. It may not be good, it may not be bad, but it will be a literal answer. There is not a way to interpret it nor question it.
No comments:
Post a Comment