Fool me once, fool me twice...

I'm not quite certain how to begin this entry, I actually am about to shock you if you have kept up with the blog.  Have you ever heard of the store, Charming Charlie's?  Well it is a cute place with tons of costume jewelry and knock off handbags and the such.  I bring this up because of the "Charming Charlie" that I realized I have been dating.  This fellow, the one I have told you about in the last few blogs, the boy who was charming and such a gentleman, who gave me compliments and paid for everything.  About 2 weeks ago I started to have some concerns and about 24 hours ago I was given notice my concerns were well founded.  So, here goes...

I invited him to meet my friends.  We had a lovely night.  Lots of laughs and a few drinks as well.  Before we left to go on this date I went to the ATM to get out some money on the off chance he let me pay for anything and also because I wanted some cash on hand for Sunday.  As the night went on he would not let me pay for anything.  So Sunday rolls around and there are a few missing links in the previous night.  One being the one glass of wine we had out of the bottle we opened at my house was now empty, an empty bottle of rum which I did not drink was on my counter, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and Maker's Mark were in my liquor cabinet and I'm not usually one to put empty bottles back in the cabinet.  And the $100 in cash I had was now missing $40.  This wasn't adding up but I had to make myself believe that he couldn't have done all these things, he's too much a southern gentleman...He called me Darlin'...nobody says darlin' and takes booze and money from you.  So I chose to ignore this...sort of.

I invited him to join me at my monthly dinner club on Thursday night, he was excited to attend.  Come Tuesday, he was maybe going to have a work thing on Thursday.  This is fine by me.  We have only been out for a month, he doesn't need to spend time with my friends twice in a week and clearly his job should come before me...at this point.  He was going to have to drive to Austin and wouldn't be back until late.  He called me Wednesday night at 10:13 PM saying he was in a cab in a town about 45 minutes from here because he was looking at a leasing space for a client.  Odd to be looking at a space for a client at 10:13 at night, but what do I know about commercial leasing, I plan events for a living.  Still, one more thing I put in the red flag pot.

Thursday comes along and he texts me asking about my event, how everything went at the biggest conference of the year for me.  So sweet, he cares.   I asked him how things were going in Austin...twice, he didn't answer. He may not have seen this question since he was either making copies at FedEx/Kinko's or buying a rug at the Oriental Rug Mart since when I was driving home I saw his car parked there....2 blocks from my house.  Hmmmm...  Time passes on, I go to my dinner club, laugh with my friends about this situation, find it weird he didn't respond, but what explanation does he owe me?  My friend and I were having such a good time we decided to continue the evening at a neighborhood watering hole and stopped in to have a glass of wine.

Guess who we ran into?  Charming Charlie himself.  Seriously.  The odds of this are uncanny.  This is a bar about 3 blocks from my house, it is apparently about 2 miles from his house (I have never been to his house, but am going by where he told me he lives).  Once he sees me, an interesting exchange follows.  I inform him that I don't trust him...I mean, keep in mind that during this one month of dating he has:  Told me he was once engaged when I asked if he had been married on our first date, and I learn on date two he had in fact been married before for a short period of time; he may or may not have stolen $40 and drank me out of house and home on date number 3; and now he has decided to avoid his location to me on what could have been date numero 4. Because I like the attention I get from Charming Charlie I decided to let him apologize and accept it after a little bit of arguing.  I knew I wasn't going to end up being Mrs. Charlie, who argues and loses trust in someone only one month in and keeps trying at a relationship, but I didn't necessarily want the fun to end right now either.

Come Saturday night, sitting at my parents house, pouring myself a bourbon and diet coke and discussing this odd interaction with him to my mother.  She says to me, "If I knew something about him, would you want me to tell you?"  Ummm...yes, please, tell me what you know about this fellow, who is from another state, who is 39 and with whom you have nobody else in common.  I figured she did some background check on him, but in actuality she found some information out another way.  Well, it turns out I'm not the only one he stole money from, $40 to be exact, and apparently a drinking problem is the least of the worries, oh and we also discovered there is a lapse in his occupation history.

So things with this charmer are done, I'm assuming he knows I am suspecting him since I haven't heard from him in two days, but I'm not exactly feeling ready to call him now and end it, I'd like to wait until he reaches out.  Mind you I will not use his real name because of the slight fear I have of any repercussions, however, you literally cannot make this up.  I swear to you, this is real.  Now I'm back out in the field again, just hypersensitive to my cash, my booze, and of course my trust.  WOW.  Right??

Loose for Lose

Lately I keep seeing people misuse the word "loose" for "lose" when making status updates on Facebook.  Now, I'm no word snob, shoot, it takes nearly an hour to post something because I spend so much time on word, editing its content.  However, it still drives me crazy because to lose a game is not the same as to loosen a belt buckle.  But it has got me thinking.  To lose your shirt will in turn, make you loose.  To lose your pants, well, clearly, you are "loosey goosey".  So it is funny to me these words that get exchanged for one another in the wrong context can actually be used to narrate a story better when used together.

This isn't a grammar lesson of the day, it is actually a lead into my story with, as my sister calls him, 39. Or as you all know him, "vodka goggle date". Our exchange has continued, daily texting with a flirt or two for effect or an email or 6 throughout the day if the texting is too tedious for yours truly.  This is a guy who listens so intently to all I say, proof being every time he tries to tell me one more thing I said on the first night we met and I have to tell him to hush and not dwell on the past... because, apparently, my mouth after vodka is a sea of stupidity.  Why this guy wanted to go out with me again is still utterly lost on me. I can guaranty you it isn't because I was "loose". Anyway, we have since had a second rendezvous.

I was a little timid to put out there I would like to see him again, as the vibes he was putting out there was that he enjoyed my texts and emails but I wasn't getting that he was much interested in seeing me in person, since he hadn't yet asked me out again.  So I can't beat around the bush, I'm a girl who needs answers or my brain gets flooded with incoherent scenarios. So put it out there I did (not put out, just to clarify another use of the word exchange) and he accepted. I'd say that this past Saturday night I had one of the most fun dates I have ever had.  Ol' 39 came over with two bottles of wine and we sat on my couch until 3 in the morning just talking. Literally, keep your minds out of the gutters, just talking.  See, I kept the conversation loose, not my body, and I think that actually kept me from not losing out on a 3rd date.  It only took me 31 years to realize my conversation skills actually can keep someone interested. Or the fact that I have the most comfortable couch ever and nobody wants to leave it.

So here we are planning date number 3 and this is all new territory.  I'll keep you posted as my stupidity sea mouth is now closed for business since Vodka has left the building; however, this isn't to say that I can't finagle amazing moments of sober stupidity as well.  As always...stay tuned.  PS: He mentioned to me on our super fun date that I should have a site up for some of my stories...at what point do I tell him? hahaha!

Update on the vodka goggle blind date

So the guy I met when I was 16 sheets to the wind two weeks ago and I did actually go on a date.  He is quite possibly the biggest gentleman I have ever had the pleasure of going out with on a date.  Of course, you do realize what this means....it totally freaked me out.  A guy who gave me compliments, pulled out my chair, opened my door, paid for a nice dinner out and made me laugh right out loud, is clearly on the train to my freakouttown.

Unfortunately I'm not sure how I get myself into these situations. I say I want attention and honesty, but when I finally get it, it feels suffocating and desperate.  But the second I don't hear from him I feel as though I've acted in inappropriately to his attention and run him off.

I have realized in this little situation that I actually have no idea how to date successfully, well clearly, you all knew that from reading this blog from the beginning, but I'm just coming to the realization that I'm clueless at it.  I don't know how to "be cool" I'm not quite certain the secret to "don't overanalyze" and I'm utterly lost on "knowing what is in front of me".

Now you may be thinking, didn't she just go out on a first date with this guy last week?  Yes.  Are you now thinking, is she a bit coo-coo for cocopuffs with these type of thoughts.  Not really.  It just means that every person that comes in and out of my life I analyze their potential to actually be a part of my life in the very beginning.  I have successfully figured out each of the attributes of this guy that would make me like him and want to go out with him again while simultaneously figuring out the things I don't like nor would be sad to not have in my life.  This is the best protection mechanism.

So, I'll keep you posted if this crazy goes out again with the southern gentleman, but in the mean time, for anyone who cared, it was a lovely evening with lots of laughs and I'm still lost in the city!

Powerpoints and Wine

I'm taking a break from putting together a PowerPoint that very well may be the thing that does me in completely.  I can't stand PowerPoint, I am not impressed with their animations nor their picture input abilities.  Because it isn't the actual PowerPoint that has this ability, it is the tired, board schmuck who spends their time animating every picture, every letter and every word by fading in and out and bouncing up and down and perhaps even spinning enough to make whoever is watching or organizing it sick to their stomach.

This I have realized is similar to boxed wine.  I went to a bachelorette party this past weekend, for the 15th wedding of which I will be partaking as a bridesmaid.  I've lost my filter and I've lost my ability to pretend to be classy.  As I'm purchasing her lingerie gift from the target clearance isle I think I will kill two birds with one stone and go ahead and get the wine I am supposed to bring from target as well.  NOW, target does have bottles of wine and some actually worth taking to parties.  BUT they also have boxed wine, it comes in fun colors and is in the shape of a square, not a rectangle which is actually, to me, more appeasing.  So I thought, instead of buying 4 bottles of 12.99 wine, why don't I buy one box which equals 4 bottles of $16.99 wine.  The economy is in bad shape people, it is time to prioritize. Well, when I consumed alone about 2 bottles of the 4 in the box on Friday night and am currently suffering from what some people call vertigo, the mixture of the two the morning after is like watching a high powered highly animated PowerPoint presentation.

It is just sickening enough to make your head spin and make you think about yesterday's poor choice in meals, but not quite strong enough to get the job done.  Oh the agony of the box wine "headspinache".  I spent the better part of Saturday morning holding on to the ground, the actual ground, to make sure it wasn't actually spinning.  

Sunday I came into work to work on this mind-blowing PowerPoint in an office which doesn't turn the AC on during the weekends and had to watch pictures spin, twirl, fade, bounce and dissolve for nearly 4 hours.  Once this son of a bitch of a PowerPoint is complete, I plan to celebrate, possibly with a round bottled wine!

Flashbacks are the epitome of evil

This past Friday I met a friend after work for a glass of wine.  2 bottles of wine, multiple vodka mixers, 5 cab rides, conversations with strangers or in front of strangers later, I made it home.  I like to spread out the nights that I go out and have learned that when I do that it only gets me in more trouble than if I made my appearance at local watering holes a bit more often.  Running into old flames and telling them their treatment of me on our non-existant relationship would not only be unneccessary, it would be unapologetic.  I mean, how do you follow up conversations that are all too blurry to put together with a person who's phone number nor email address is a part of your address book that you are sorry for having even spoken to them that night.  How do you form the words of an apology when you aren't even sure in the first place, if it deserves one.  

I gave one cab driver my number so that he could call me and I would have his number and then we would call him when we were ready to leave so he could be our driver again. 
Unfortunately my cab driver with an accent clearly misunderstood when he proceeded to call me 4 times throughout the night and leave a message that he wanted to dance with me later.  I believe something was lost in translation, wait, I would like to think that.  I have no idea, I could very well have told this man I was the queen of salsa dancing and that we should totally go dancing later, at that point so much was possible.

About 3 years ago I stopped drinking hard liquor because it made me depressed.  Now on random occasions I will indulge in some vodka or bourbon, but for the most part I stick to Wine and the occasional beer.  Now I have learned the hard liquor no longer makes me depressed, it makes me easy, not in the drop your pants type of easy.  I mean in the drop your business card and your phone number type of easy.  I have had more unknown numbers calling me in the last 3 days than I know what to do with.  So back on the no more hard liquor train I go.

This past Friday you could consider me a disaster, but apparently funny as well.  I gave one guy my phone number whom I spent a good amount of time chatting with and rumor has it we have a date tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to pick him up out of a line up so let's just wait and see exactly how thick the beer, no, vodka goggles were on Friday night. I remember thinking he was very good looking, I also remember thinking I was very good looking and only drinking water. Unless they are now charging $8 for water, I seem to have lost part of that part of the night as well. We shall see if I hear from him again, my money's on their being a better chance I don't have vodka for 2 months. What exactly did I say to this guy for him to have wanted to call me in the first place? Hopefully it wasn't my blog address...

Off to flashback purgatory I go...any idea how to get your brain to keep those moments repressed?  I could use that right about now, just like I could have used a filter on Friday.