Stay patient

Some exciting new developments and changes to be announced soon...the blog may only get juicier.

In the mean time, have a chuckle. It has been one year since this now infamous money, liar and liquor thief came into my life and out and has been a steady flow of jokes between my family and friends for the past year. Randomly he popped into my dream, err shall I say nightmare, last night and I thought I would remind you of him to have a chuckle at my or his expense, however you choose to see it. One whole year and not much has changed...yet.

Stay tuned!

My rehearsal dinner

Last night I had the best night's sleep I've had in months. Literally, months. Work has been overwhelming, I've been exhausted, and I've been going to hard too fast. I started a detox last monday to shed 10lbs that have ravaged my body in the past 3 years (4 in the last month) and if I don't lose them now, then they will only keep adding. I have been wearing the same clothes to work, just different ensembles, for 2 months now to avoid the clothes that make my stomach feel uncomfortable. I'm 5'5'' and I was weighing 144.3lbs., this isn't obese, but it isn't where I want to be either. I made the decision to knock that down to 135 before the holidays...in other words, before I can afford to pack it back on with cakes, cookies, stuffing, cheese, alcohol, more cheese and perhaps an excessive amount of wine and um, perhaps a celery stalk with peanut butter, you know, for the health. So last night, exhausted from only eating greens, rice and vegetables for 10 days (okay, I've snuck in some coconut dairy free ice cream, but who are we kidding), and having now lost 3.3 lbs, I could barely hold my eyes open. 

Last night I went to sleep and I went hard. For the 3rd time in the past 3 months I dreamed about my rehearsal dinner. Is she engaged? You may be asking. No. Is she actually dating someone seriously? You may now wonder. Absolutely not. But I keep having these dreams about the one night where people will have the liberty to stand up in front of my friends and family and my future husband and tell stories about our lives together, mistakes I have made and most importantly, how much we mean to each other and how right for me my future husband is. Is she a complete narcissist? Not completely, but I have thought about that night a lot. Having been a bridesmaid 17 times and given 17 rehearsal dinner speeches, I have wondered, what would they say about me at mine? Now I am dreaming about it. I think it has to do with the fact that I've been a bit distant from my friends lately due to work and now due to the devil in detox. I miss my friends, so I'm channeling what they are saying about me in my dreams. 

And here is the gist of it. One of my friend's husbands got on the phone with his friend and I overheard him saying "this is really boring". I proceeded to ask him to leave my rehearsal dinner. I'm ballsy in my dreams. Another one of my friend's husbands stood up to give a speech, a husband I don't know well, but who I do find hilarious, and he wrote a song for me and started to sing, errr, rap it. Why my friend's husbands made the dream, or rather, made speeches, I'll never know, but I appreciated it. Just as two of my best friends in the world stood up to walk to the mic to say what they needed to say, the anticipation was building up in me, and I couldn't wait to let the tears fall...beepbeepbeepbeepbeep....the alarm goes off. I tried everything I could to go back to that beautiful outdoor setting and listen to what they had to say, but I couldn't. I had to get up and go to yoga. 

I live 5 minutes from my yoga studio, 2 minute drive or 5 minute bike ride. At 5:30 in the morning, I drive. Of the 3 lights between my house and yoga, I caught them each on red. I showed up at 5:31 and the door was locked. I think my unconscious is telling me something. Pay closer attention to those I love, get my ass out of bed when the alarm goes off, and I really need to get my friend's husband a rap recording contract, he has a future.

To those I love and those I have been distant from, blame the work, blame the detox, just don't blame me. I've fallen victim, but I'll be back, soon, real, real soon and hopefully, with some fun and exciting stories to share too!!

I've run the gamut

I haven't posted in a while, because I didn't think I had too much to report. Turns out, in fact, I do have some news to share...

Apparently, I have run the gamut of the dating scene in Houston. A month ago I had a conference for work. After the first night I went with some clients to have a drink. I was ever so confused when one of the clients who's wedding ring was actually larger than normal, invited himself back to my house for a nightcap. I was so confused on his "invitation" that I thought I clearly must have mistaken it for that of a bored and drunk engineer just wanting to continue to party. I politely and nervously declined. I wasn't sure if I was being hit on or not (I'm not exactly hit on frequently). I made up some excuse about having tomatoes stuck in my sink and I couldn't let people to my house for the first time with a dirty sink. If you knew me, you would know that A., that's true, I have been known to have a dirty sink. But B., If I was actually interested, I would have made it work. The following day at the conference he walked up and made a comment about it again and said "you just didn't want me to come over because I am married. That shouldn't matter" I thought, is this guy for real? I was so confused, so flustered, a little pissed and sadly, flattered. I admire my friends, sisters and parent's marriages too much to entertain that idea. I am not that girl. I am many things, but I'm not someone who can fling around with someone married. Steal from me? Sure. Lie about your age? I'll entertain it. Have kids? I can consider it. Have a wife? Absolutely not. I can take many things, but just to be clear, he lives in the suburbs. I told you something about the suburbs wasn't a right fit for me.

So on to the next one. I accidentally replied all to an email I received from a contact recently. The email he sent to me was to over 100 people. Whoops. But it actually gets worse. Next thing I know, I get a text message from a number I didn't recognize saying I had just sent him an email and wishing me well.  Come to find out it was the chap I went out with three months ago who, while we were about to plan our fourth date, informed me he was seeing someone else. Note to self, double check the To: line before hitting send on an email.

And then finally, I went to a bar recently to meet up with a group of friends. For the first time EVER, I was the first person to show up. I get flustered when I'm looking for people. I walked up to the bar to ask about the private party when the girl with braces in front of me said "hey baby, what do you want to drink?". Side note: One of my pet peeves is being called baby by strangers. Being from Texas you don't know if it is a come-on or condescending or just plain obnoxious. I politely declined but she was ordering hers and I thought since the bartender was there she was offering for me to tell him what I wanted. The girl went to pay for my drink, I asked her not to, I started to feel really awkward, she then said "if you are a good person, you will buy me one later". Great, now I have gotten unsolicited guilt from a lesbian pick up line. Then she asked me where I was from, damn near asked me for my exact address. When two of my friends walked up, Thank God, in just the nick of time and I waived to them to show them where I was, she said "you don't waive to them. you wait for them to come to you." Strange girl with braces is now telling me how to respond to people. She then said to them "She and I are having a conversation right now and getting to know each other. She can talk to you in a minute." Oh for Christ's sake. Now I have to endure this drunk lesbian's conversation even longer? Eventually, I walked away. I'm flattered she drunkenly picked me out of the crowd and good on her to be out and proud. But at the end of the day, hell, start of the day, middle of the day, and middle of the night, I am a woman, who likes men, single, unattached, UN-baggaged and available, men.

So I realized, I must have run the gamut in Houston. In the span of 2 weeks (with a good month hiatus from dating) I got hit on by a married man, accidentally emailed an old fling and was harassed by a lesbian. What are the odds? I'm not sure if Houston is where my mate is anymore...territory may just need to expand, but I am sticking to the no suburbs still. :)

I threw the chips away

Being 32 years old has its perks, I can be comfortable staying in on a Saturday night and I can really, without hesitation, look at where I am in my life and be happy. I am in such a good place. I'm blessed with great family and great friends, a few nights in and seldom nights out, I'm healthy, happy and well...recently, bored. So I called up one of my best friends in the world last week and mentioned I needed a girls night out. Not just a let's go to dinner and grab a glass of vino, I mean, I want to get gussied up (I'm from Texas, deal with the word), I wanted to drink too much and I wanted to stay out late. She is a mother of 2 kids under the age of 2, she was ALL for it! We were psyched, we got a babysitter, called up another one of our best friends to join in on the debauchery and she too was game to play.

This past Saturday night we went out on the town! We got all gussied up, I even wore fake eyelashes that until I started drinking made me want to pluck my eyes out. Those things are not comfortable! We went to a great restaurant where I decided to not clean my plates of three courses because as I kept reminding my friends, I was wearing two tank tops and a sequined skirt my mother referred to as "you should charge $50 an hour in that thing". Supporting. My mother tends to only like me in clothes that come from Talbot's...Talbot's doesn't work for "Gussie". Anyway, as the night went on and the drinks began to flow my memory starts to fade. 

We went to a few bars, we danced with strangers and was compared to being a cougar by others. At 32 I am no cougar, but the 22 year old who had offered to buy me a drink...clearly I was. I remember him showing me his ID, I had never seen 1989 on a drivers silence before. It was weird looking.

We jumped in a cab at 2 to go relieve the babysitter and some guy got in the front seat as he was going in our direction. He paid for our cab, we paid for the babysitter. Only after I realized I had lost my keys. If there is one thing I pride myself on is that I have never been that person to lose something when I go out. I am mystified by the loss. What is also a bit unsettling, is throughout the evening we took pictures and got some good memories, albeit a few are hazy. However, I thought we needed a memento as well. So, at bar #2, there were two serving dishes, one with peanuts and one with chips. I proceeded to toss the chips and the peanuts onto the floor, stuff the two bowls into my clutch, yes clutch, and run out of the bar and out to the car. I believe this is probably where said keys were lost in the commotion. Which means, I clearly cannot go retrieve them. I'm a fugitive.

I woke up yesterday feeling like a truck ran me over, I threw up to try to feel better, I didn't. I didn't eat until 5:15 last night. I was once again reminded, I'm not in my 20s. I'm good for at least another 8 months before that comes around again. The person who invented shots should actually be shot. Because it is that person I blame for losing my keys, dressing like a $50/hour lady of the night and for taking my money. But it was all my friends and I who made it hilarious and worth the Sunday morning, day, afternoon and night pain. To the young 22 year olds who bought us our drinks and danced with us on the dance floor,  you too are welcome, for you also have some good stories to share. And to the 3 Aholes who stole our cab while we were trying to get home to the babysitter, I stick to my word, "you really are 3 douche-bags".

I'd fill you in on more, but as I said, it gets a bit hazy.  I enjoyed the night off from reality, bills, work, yoga and responsibility, I enjoyed turning back time 10 years, It's the turning it back to the present that blows...!

It's True, I Judge

My name is, PluralofMe, and I am judgmental. I'm picky, I'm curious, I'll tear someone apart to find their faults that will ease the blow of rejection later on down the road. There, I said it. I have been honest with you, which means now you know about me and I can continue on my rants.

I most recently turned 32 years old. The realization for me is I am now only 8 years away from 40! More importantly, however, I'm only 6 years away from my official scary age, 38. Why is this my scary age, you may ask. Well, when I was 25, I met someone whom I thought had it all, except for a relationship and every time I saw her, she cried. She was devastated to be 38 and single. Now, if I am still single at 38 and this blog has reached historical heights, then I am totally fine with that. However, if I have reached 38, I am still single and I am sad...well, that frightens the hell out of me. So I have made a promise to myself, I'm not going to settle. I'm not going to bust my ass to be in a relationship with just anyone because I can't imagine anything worse than being in a relationship and unhappy. I am so happy now, I'm enjoying my life, having a blast on bad dates and good, meeting men worthy of a conversation and some a bit more and others even less. Most importantly, I have surrounded myself with people who support my indiscretions and my dry sense of sarcasm. So...therefore I will continue to scrutinize, pick apart, judge and make fun of the men that come into and out of my life, for they are truly life's unintentional humor for so many of us.

As of late, my dating life has taken a bit of a hiatus. I was so excited about meeting up with a guy a few weeks ago who I was having a great dialogue with via text messages and the phone, and who I thought was so cute on his eharmony.com profile. He gave me fodder to walk away before meeting him when in a text a few hours before we met he informed me he had a goatee (which was growing in multicolored) and that he was really into the band Vertical Horizon. Goatees aren't bad, but I have just never been particularly attracted to men who have them. I prefer go all in or go without. This attempt to grow hair in a certain formation on your face, but keeping your cheeks free of facial fur just doesn't work for me personally. And Vertical Horizon people? Well, I was just waiting for him to tell me that he followed Nickelback too. But, I enjoyed our exchanges so much that I put it aside, well, let's be honest, I put it in my back pocket for later usage. We had a nice time, not off the charts, but it was good. Then I got a text every girl dreams of the following evening which read:

"I just want to be honest. I didn't feel a romantic connection". OUCH! Whatever, he had a goatee and liked cheesy bands. Over it.

I left town for a while, work trips and family vacations to follow. So I paused the online dating site from new match ups and just dealt with what was already there. I started texting with a guy who seemed pretty funny. He started throwing out "my girl" "baby" "sweetheart" fairly soon, considering we haven't met in person. But, I thought he was kidding. Then he threw in the ringer via text this past friday night which read:

"I've been living on credit for the past 2 years."

Seriously? What the hell? Yes, I judge. He's a 37 year old man who is choosing to live on credit. He has passion for a case he has been working on, good for him, but I just can't bring myself to find this to be okay. It is people like this that are affecting my taxes. Right? I then realized, like a lightening bolt, his "baby" "my girl" and "sweetheart's" were not a joke, he's from Southern Louisiana. He is the same guy, in a different body, that I went out with in October that sweet-talked his way into my liquor cabinet and my wallet.

I have another letter in to eharmony, "Dearest Matchers of Eharmony.com, WTF? Do I want someone to make me laugh? Yes. Do I want someone to be rich? No. Do I want someone to be financially responsible? Um, absolutely. There is a difference. Figure it out. Signed, Over It."

Back to basics

So all this soft talk has steered me off the true intentions of this blog. Are you interested to hear about the latest in my dating triumphs?

Let's see. The guy I went out with twice who walked his cat on a leash, we never went out again. Because he walked his cat on a leash? No, because we just never spoke again. The 41 year old twice divorced father of two? We had 3 really good dates. We laughed, we ate, we even kissed at the end of the night. After our third date I was leaving for a family vacation, he sent me a text asking me out for when I returned. I returned on Sunday and he called me that night on his way to meet a "buddy" at a bar. He asked me out for that week and we said we would figure our schedules out the following day. The following day was when my world started falling apart when my dog got sick and last words I heard the doctor say that afternoon were "it could be cancer". I had literally lost it that afternoon. The crying was uncontrollable until it finally stopped. When the 41 year old twice divorced father of two called me that night and I answered, his first statement was "it sounds like you are getting sick". I told him a little about what was going on with my dog, I couldn't say that much or I would lose it again and I was desperately trying not only to hold it together but to stay positive as well. After I told him a little bit of my story, I said " you know, we can talk about something a little more cheery" and he said "well, I don't know if this is any more cheery, but I'm seeing someone else." WHAT? A. It is not more cheery and 2. How in all hell is this timing appropriate? Did you know that the last time I was seriously dating someone and hid my bad days as much as I could until finally I just had to break down and tell my boyfriend at the time over the phone how horrible a day I had and when I finished he said, "Um, we need to talk" and we broke up. I mean seriously...This is what blogs and friends are for I guess, no need to dish out the bad to someone I want to date, clearly it doesn't end well for me. :) Anyway, I didn't care, I had other things on my mind. I did respect him for telling me, he didn't need to, but he did. I did question, however, his timing, considering the night before he asked me out again. He said something happened that day that made things more serious. Because most off the wall romantic gestures happen between 9 PM on Sunday night and 7:30 PM on Monday night, right? Bless. He went into many explanations about what he thought of me and blah, blah, blah. It was nice to hear, yes, but I didn't need it. I just wanted to get off the phone and stop pretending that I cared about us not working out and concentrate only on my pup. After I said thank you and wished him well he closed the conversation with "well, I'm sure we will see each other a future industry conferences". Yep, that's exactly what I hope. Bless.

I went out with another 41 year old who is really into country line dancing. He goes to the country bar every Friday night and gets there before his friends so he can get the parking spot he wants. What is it about turning 40 makes you so extremely set in your ways? He likes this spot because it is under a light post so it helps him see when he wants to run out to his car half way through the night to change button down shirts, so he isn't as sweaty. He pays only in cash to avoid the lines and can't stand to watch it when people don't know how to dance, try. He is also the third guy I have gone out with who has also walked his cat on a leash. I swear to God, I really wouldn't want to make that up, it is a sad statistic. He is funny and I have fun with him, but I'm fairly certain the only reason he is still single at 41 and has a cat, is because he in fact, does not yet feel comfortable coming out of the closet. Our romantic paths will not cross again, but I think he would be great to go shopping with sometime! 

On to my last. A friend of mine who I know through work called me last week to tell me she wanted to introduce me to someone. I knew she knew I was single, but I wasn't sure she knew anything about my type. I have since learned, she doesn't. He's nice, I will give him that. He's been divorced 6 years, not a big deal. He has a 13 year old son who's never made a B and is always on the honor roll. Not exactly a turn-on, but he's a proud dad. "Do you have any other children?" I asked, anticipating a no or maybe a younger one. "Yes, I have two daughters. One is 28 and the other is 26. I'm an old fart."  

Yes, sir, you are. Since I have an amazing dad and no "daddy issues", there is no reason to pretend: this just won't happen. I cannot date anyone who has a kid that is closer to my age than he and he is closer to my parent's age than mine. Sorry, I just can't. 

 So as you can tell, luck in love has been void, but I'm not giving up hope. I'm still getting matched up daily and so what if one of them has his profile picture kneeling next to a stuffed cougar wearing sunglasses and another is so proud of his 50s soda pop memorabilia and a boat load from suburbs (still, not Houston)? There are a few Houstonians whose profiles make me laugh, intentionally and their pictures aren't too bad either. Keep on searching....

The Love of My Life

Yes, I met him, in fact, I've known him for nearly 7 years and as of recently I realized he is the perfect male. He is the only constant in my life who will not just let me cry into him, but will actually lick the tears off my face. He is the only male I can get mad at not for not taking out the trash, but getting into it, and he will still love me, sometimes even more. He is the one constant in my life where I wouldn't question paying for anything he needs, because in return he gives me companionship. I'm sure you have guessed by now, but this is my nearly 7 year old lab.

Who can resist this face?

I found him in a time in my life when I was feeling lonely. I had been living in Dallas and alone and with no real dating relationships worth discussing or better yet, even blogging about. My friends in Dallas were all in relationships with their now spouses, I was an outsider, I just didn't really fit in. I was sitting in my grandmother's living room in November of 2004 when my mother and sister returned from their walk and said they found a dog for me. I couldn't believe it, was I ready to make this commitment? One look at his awkwardly trotting self with his jowls pulled back so far it looked like he was laughing as he was coming towards me and I knew, this was a male I could really love.

The rawhide

In all these years, he's only betrayed me once. He met an ex-boyfriend not long after I brought him home and he cozied up to him. I told him he was a traitor, but he just sat down to chew on a rawhide, he wasn't concerned. It isn't the person that affects him, it is the emotion behind their actions. This is something we should all think about sometimes. One time he wasn't a fan of a male suitor who was over, so he hopped up on the couch while I was in the kitchen and the guy was laying back relaxing. My dear sweet pup turned around, made his tail go as high as he could and released, right in his face! I laughed hysterically, the guy chuckled, but he left soon thereafter. Point taken. He'll cozy up to the mailman if he senses kindness in his heart. and He's also stood watch while an AC repairman was in a bathroom, telling me full well he didn't trust that guy, and in turn, neither did I. Unfortunately, he couldn't read the lying drunken thief that well either, but that guy was a pro at being a con (oxymoron in terms).

He loves stuffed animals

Last week he had a health scare. My sweet pup was aching, he groaned, he panted, he refused a treat and when he refused cheese I rushed him to the vet. Show me a lab that refuses cheese and isn't sick, and I'll show you money. After many tests, xrays and ultrasounds it resulted that my sweet boy had severe acute pancreatitis. He spent a week at the vet and in the hospital, fasting and on IV's and pain meds and now is finally home recovering. He struggles with being his usual playful self but when he has noticed the concern on my face, he tries to show courage. He's licked the tears off my face quite a few times in the last week and I have wiped what looked like tears off his. He's not just a dog, he's not just my kid, he's my best friend. If you have an animal, you will understand. It isn't their actions that affect you, it is the way they love you. They only react to what they receive. When he was a puppy and if I left him for too long, he would chew up the boxes my shoes were in, but not the shoes. It was a sort of, 'you see the damage I can do, just see what I'll do if you try it again', type of threat. I loved him for that, he respected the shoes, but knew what he was doing and I understood!

Can't you see the concern he has?

I think 7 years ago he saved me from my depression and from not coming out of it. I had to leave my house multiple times a day when I got him, he had to go outside and not long after he came into my life, but so did some new friends and sunshine and soon, light. It is my turn now to do what I can to save him and I will. I have many more heartbreaks ahead of me from a guy or 6 who will come into my life and out, which means more tears to lick away and a big furry neck to nuzzle in when I need it. Somebody asked me the other day what I thought he would be like if he were human, I thought he's perfect how he is now, this is how he was meant to be.

Now if you have a dog or hell, even a cat you walk on a leash, give them an extra hug tonight. That's ultimately all they want, well, and some cheese.

Also, if you are in the Houston area and looking for a place to donate, I highly recommend Gulf Coast Veterinary Specialists. They are the best, they made him better and have answered everyone of my hysterical calls and they too, let me cry without judgment!

Repeat offenders

Something about this time around on "interweb dating" isn't as funny. I think because I am actually getting matched up with some people who seem somewhat more my style. But of course, there are those few...

 

When I was on eharmony.com last year I was matched up with a guy who went to high school with my sister. I wasn't interested in him and think that if I am going to pay money to date (similar to a prostitute, but not) then I am not going to go on a date with someone from my small hometown. Well I quickly closed him the first time and this was during the "you must give a reason" to why you are closing someone. They had a box for me to check which was "in another relationship". This seems quite ironic to have that option while on a dating site, but I still thought it was a softer blow than "based on statements in your profile" or something along the lines of not liking their pictures. A little background on this fellow, we will call him Anil (I just looked down and saw that name on a document of mine from work...it works). Anil and I were also friends on facebook. He was one of those "serial status updaters". He often put he wanted a girlfriend, he hated going to be early, my favorite one "tonight I am going to drink until I can't think" and so on. He was lonely, I understand being lonely. I don't understand making status updates about it. He did eventually get a girlfriend, he made it "facebook relationship status" official. Then it wasn't about a month or so later that the relationship status quickly changed back to single and daily rants about being lonely, his crazy ex-girlfriend, the fact they were trying to work it out, oh wait, she was still crazy and that he was glad he had a dog to snuggle with while he doesn't have a girlfriend. Again, I have a blog, I get this, but I prefer to make light of my empty bed rather than ask pity for it. Well...turns out, eharmony believes we are compatible yet still. I feel like eharmony is somewhat like my friends who set me up with people just because they are single and not actually because we have anything else in common. It doesn't matter, I closed him without knowing who he was. I only saw that it was Anil from Humble. Here's the situation for any of you readers who do not live in Houston. Humble is a town outside of Houston. It is, without a doubt, a suburb. I have no issue with suburbs, like I've said before, but I do not date outside Houston city limits. This city has 8 million people in it, about 4 million of them are men and about 1.5 million of those men are single. I feel like my chances are pretty good. Well, I had recently de-friended Anil on facebook as his status updates were just depressing and his "liking" a photo of mine was somewhat disturbing considering, yes I am one of those people that says yes to most friend requests, but I don't actually think I have 518 friends and their liking my pictures is kind of weird. Right? Either way. He sent me an email and another friend request calling me out on closing him "I guess it's weird we got matched up on eharmony again. Clearly you aren't interested, and that's fine. Best of luck". Now, if I have closed you AND de-friended you, why would you go to these lengths? Flattered, a little. Interested or intrigued? absolutely not.

Next we have a guy I have gone out with twice. He is so kind, a little funny and cute too. He is also my first back on eharmony date and just like my first internet date ever (4 years ago), he too walks his cat on a leash. How have I managed to go out with two men who walk their cats on leashes and live in a town home complex with an older gentleman who also walks his cat on a leash? Have I missed the memo that this is now acceptable? I think that's where he went wrong and how he has pretty much killed any chance of me having butterflies. The image of him walking out his front door, down the hall, getting on the elevator, walking through the lobby and out to the front of his building, and down the sidewalk, all the while having a cat walk with him on a leash!! It is too much of an image, one I can't escape. Not to mention he got so enthralled on our first date with the pictures of his cat on his phone that I actually started feeling uncomfortable and wasn't sure if I should make a call just to have the minutes go by faster. I like a man who loves animals, but there is a limit.

I am stepping out of my comfort zone. Tuesday night I went out with a 41 year old, divorcee, father of 2 and HE gave me butterflies. This was completely unexpected. I didn't want to go out with anyone with kids nor did I imagine I would go out with someone 10 years older than me with kids and have fun. But I did, I was shocked. I'm growing up, as I told my sister, but I'm still queen of finding a fault to get over the blow of rejection should it come. If he shows up with a parrot on his shoulder on Sunday, I'm done.

We are back together

Yes, after 10 months apart, eharmony.com and I are giving it another go. I signed on again, I started completely over, I answered all the questions again that took me 6 months to answer 4 years ago and this past Saturday it took me 45 minutes. Apparently 4 years ago I was a little too much of a booze hound or unsure about myself (wait, isn't that one in the same) and now, I was sober (on Saturday) and more confident in what I want and my answers to questions like "rate yourself on the following...". So far I have for sure been matched up with 2 people I was matched up with before and one of them I went out with...never to hear from him again. I immediately closed him, I would like not to venture through tunnels of darkness again! 

I was "closed" this morning by two men who had taken one look at my profile and immediately shut me down. It occurred to me, to automatically close someone on eharmony that the website had just that second matched you up with is similar to a friend of yours in a bar saying "hey, I want you to meet my friend" and their friend looks at you, turns around and walks away. Straight and to the point, clearly, not interested. It is called ripping off the band-aid dating. So I'm going to do the same, quick, easy and if you are confident enough, painless too. 

Also, at which point will eharmony.com realize that Sugar Land, Katy, Manvel, Humble, Spring and Bay Town are NOT Houston? I'm not saying either is better or worse, but I live in this city and they in theirs. I am not on the bachelor or bachelorette, I have no intention of moving to the suburbs for someone and let's be honest here, I don't intend to drive there for a Saturday night out either. I have no issue with the towns themselves nor the people that are from there, I have an issue with gas mileage! Have you seen the prices? It is one thing that I am again forking over some of my hard earned income to pay to meet someone or not meet someone for that matter... I can't then delve into the pockets even more at this point to find them outside of my little inside Beltway 8 bubble! These are just the first thoughts I have 3 days in...

This is it

So it was a month ago that I last posted about that debacle in Rome...it has taken a month for me to contemplate all that went on during that fateful night and the weeks, months and year that led up to it. I have come up with a theory, for so many years my fantasies, the things I wished for and I wanted and I could picture in my head happening, well, they didn't. I would always get some warped, picked up at the local convenient store generic version of the fantasy or dream that I had. Hence, the soup kitchen turned berated match in a bar called Trinity College in the middle of Rome. Of course I wasn't swept off my feet, I thought about it too much, I pictured what I wanted to happen...I "cinematized" what I wanted and I got Jersey Shored back to reality.

So now that I understand it isn't in the dream it is in the reality, I'm setting forth with my head fully in the game. This weekend I will get back on the train of the internet dating, I will see what life has to offer in the cyber world of relationships and I will inform you about each and every one of those train wrecks. Am I hoping for a train wreck? No. Do I actually want to find someone who will make me laugh and vice versa and want to spend more than 2 dates with me? Yes. Would I rather get a train wreck before something dramatic or worse boring for my dating tales? Hell yes!

I will keep you posted as long as you stay posted with me...let the journey begin again! Cyber on friends

Lesson Learned...in any language

Hi all!  Well here I sit in my hotel room in Rome again. How lucky am I that I am back here for the third time for work and it just so happened I found it cheaper to fly in on a Saturday AND I was still friends with my Italian date, Alessandro, on facebook. I was so excited to tell him I would be coming to Rome. I couldn't wait to get pampered and be flirted with and doted on in a foreign accent with incomplete sentences. I imagined him coming up to me in his "motor-cycle" said with an enforced second syllable with flowers hanging off his arm and a giant smile on his face. I was ready for him to pick me off my feet and take me to eat something amazing and talk about life, politics, Bikram yoga and how unapologetic-ly happy we were in our lives. You may already know this, but I sometimes have to find out, in unpleasant settings, life is not like the movies.

Alessandro and I had facebook chatted about 10 times in the past 3 weeks.  Our chats consisted of when I would be in town, when I would call him and whether or not he was sure he remembered me. He threw out a memory or two that did not ring a bell with me, but I didn't care, he was the only person I knew in Rome.  I sent him a facebook message this morning letting him know I had arrived, I was still hesitant to give him my actual phone number, I think because sometimes I wondered if it were a language barrier or if he were in fact the slightest bit retarded and I couldn't risk that type of publicity. :) Either way he had the night off work tonight, but suddenly (?) it had been revoked and instead he had to work. Mind you he is a waiter and any night's work is good, so I didn't hold it against him. We decided to meet for lunch.

After getting turned around on the metro system, not once, not twice, but three times, I finally made my way to where he told me to go. Then he greeted me on his "Motor-cycle" with my own helmet to wear. We went for lunch at a place that was, well, more like a soup kitchen. I played along. Cute guy, little money, eating out of a pie sheet, sure, why not? I mean, sure he talked more about being depressed and angry than most people do on a date, but I was removing my non-certified therapist hat and letting him rant and hoping for an ending to it. Then he went to work. I debated on whether or not to meet him later at his work, I was tired, he wasn't getting off until 11, but I reminded myself, "Hadalina, it is Rome, just do it". So I did. I walked aimlessly around the city then metro jumped my way back to my hotel, showered, changed, and headed back about 9:30. After all, he invited me to eat at his restaurant... a free Italian meal near the Trevi Fountain??? FOR SURE! for not. He encouraged me to order the fish, but I also wanted a caprese salad. He gave me the "really? you sure you want all that food?" look that I did not approve of, but I still ordered it anyway. When I politely took out my work amex to pay for my meal fully expecting if not a complete refusal then a large discount, I was surprised when all he told me was that they did not accept amex. Let's keep in mind I barely ate my fish because it still had the eyes, tail, gills and bones...the only reason it wasn't flopping was because I believe it was flash fried alive (Alessandro ate all of it). Either way, my bill of 63 euros arrived for me to pay. Shocking. But the Italian of my dreams INSISTED I not give him a tip, "maybe a kiss later" is what he said. Okay, I'll give a kiss over a tip on an $86 meal that I didn't want in the first place. "Hadalina, you are vacationing, go with the flow."

He said he would be done with work at 11, but when 12:30 arrived and he still wasn't finished, I nearly left, but I thought, I only have one night and I flew all this way. Finally, he finished and off to a bar we went. At the bar we somehow got on the subject of sex, shocking I'm sure. I informed him it wasn't my thing, I wanted to be committed to my partner. To my complete surprise, this was over the world shocking to him. He snapped at me, told me I shouldn't have come over to Italy if I wasn't planning on that happening. Mind you he must have forgotten the whole reason I am here in the first place is because of work. The conversation got so awkward and angry that even though we came together on his "motor-cycle", we only left through the same door because they only had one to leave from at the bar.

I didn't realize letting someone know you met a year before that you would be back in town meant they expected you to have sex with them, buy expensive meals from their restaurant and leave the tipping up to physical acts of appreciation. I didn't expect that because I'm neither a whore nor an international philanderer. However, I did learn something about men tonight. Never underestimate the power of sex with them. They expect it, they act upon the intention of getting it and they become adolescent children when they don't get it. I find it a bit humiliating and a bit humorous, but as I have said before...I do not regret the things I have done, nor the things I have yet to do. Apologies, Alessandro, you are neither a regret nor a notch, but a damn good story to tell over and over again. However, I am excited to announce my next new project!!

When I return from this triumphant trip of work success, personal growth, and one less potentially sexually transmitted disease, I plan to join back into the online dating world. But not just one particular world, multiple ones, and I plan to keep you informed about it all.  I hope to entertain you, enlighten you (and myself a little) and keep things a little bit more humorous for you from that point on, so stay tuned!!

Until then, ciao!

Memories

Today, a friend called to tell me she was on her way to Houston. Then the following conversation ensued after mentioning a friend of ours is most recently in a new relationship:

Friend: Oh my gosh, you know who I was thinking about the other day?

Me: Who?

Friend: Do you remember that guy you dated who stole like forty bucks from you and a bunch of liquor?

Me: Umm, it was 4 months ago, about how much do you think I actually date that I would have already forgotten him?

Friend: Man, that was so crazy.

Me: Sure was.

Seriously? The wonderful disenchanting dating life I lead. I did decide, ironically enough, in the shower this morning, that I will not apologize nor make excuses for the choices I make as a single woman. I'm 31 years old, I will continue to have adventures and of course make some mistakes. Who didn't make mistakes until they found the one they want to be with? To the men that stole my heart and my money, I thank you. You give the friends of mine who's men in their lives give them comfort, shelter and love, just a little added humor to my humility and I'm grateful for it and I think, they are too!

Happy Friday friends!

Who is he?

I apologize for my lack in posts lately, quite honestly, there just hasn't been much going on. Hence the reason for this post. I was just rummaging around on Facebook and saw a friend of mine posted a picture of me with her dog recently. When she took the picture I asked her not to "tag" me because I thought the picture was none too flattering. The dog I am holding is a precious puppy, asleep in my arms. I noticed that it was "liked" by some guy I have never met nor heard of. Of course this peeked my interest, who is this mystery man that "liked" a photo of me? Is he liking the picture of me or of the dog? Since I noticed he "liked" some other pictures with the puppy included, I'm quite certain he was "liking" the picture of the dog. However, this has got me thinking. I had already decided I didn't want to ask my friend who he was, I didn't want to face what I consider humility when as a single girl I ask about someone of the opposite sex. 

Sometimes, a friend will be telling a story that will include a guy's name that I haven't heard of and I might ask "who is he?". I will get one of two responses, "Oh, that's so and so that I know from..." that's it, no explanation, just his relation to the person telling the story. Or I majority of the time, I will get some version of this "Oh, that's so and so. He's not single. And you wouldn't like him anyway, he was a player." Did I ask if he was single? No. Was I implying it? Sure. Now did I ask what his relationship status was? Did I say out loud, "Who is that? I think I would like to learn more about what he is like in relationships before you finish your story?". No. I actually feel a tinge of anxiety when I see a guy I would like to ask about, because though, yes, I am single and I may be fishing, I would like to get to the point to ask that question before being told the answer. You know?

For example, recently I was at the dog park and ended up having a 30 minute conversation with a guy whom I had never met, but it turned out we have many mutual friends in common. It was a very nice and pleasant conversation. Did I think it would be nice to run into him again? Sure. Did I picture what a date with him, who told me he had quit drinking two years ago, would be like? Well, yes. But when I called our mutual friend to say we met, did I ask what his relationship status was? Nope. Do I now know that he dated a girl for about a year or longer but they may have recently broken up? Yepper. Did I ever run into him at the park again? Absolutely not. Was the information that was given to me necessary? Not in the slightest.

I realize the reason these things get so much under my skin is that I think people look at me as desperate for attention, a relationship, a set up. I am none of these things. I am simply curious. Sure, I'm single and looking. Clearly, if I see or meet an attractive guy I wonder about his life. This is typical for most people, single or not, you think about the other person's story. What is it? Where did they come from? What are their tricks? ha! This isn't desperate, it is curiosity. I wouldn't want anyone to set me up more than they do, because without a doubt, the story would end up on here and we all know, those don't turn out pretty.

Wishing you a Happy St. Patrick's day, may the luck of the Irish bring you all luck in the search if you are looking or in the boudoir if you found it! 

I am Sally...

I've been going through an interesting period of my life lately. I've been sick for the better part of 8 weeks and I've been bitch for the better part of 6, needless to say, I've been a bit testy.  So this weekend I decided to take it all into consideration, figure out my strategy for healing not only my immune system, but my soul too.  Before I started that little journey, I sat down to eat a lovely breakfast I made, after I cleaned up the mess my broken garbage disposal had made all over my kitchen...The licks just keep on coming! When I finally sat down to eat my cold eggs and cold turkey bacon, I turned on the television and found When Harry Met Sally just starting.  I've never really liked this movie, much because when it was released my relation to the 80s had to do with care-bears and my little ponies, not fake orgasms at a diner or defining male/female relationships.  But this time, I gave it a go. And low and behold, holy shit...I AM SALLY!  
(Let's be real, I am also her friend in the movie who will not actually accept reality and will play in the land of make-believe until she gets married.)

But I finally related to Sally. Of course as I am writing this, it is now occurring to me that I'm not actually Sally. I don't have a divorced male friend who I can tell all my secrets to and consider him a "bestie", but I can relate to being single, and not knowing still what I want out of life. I was talking to the closest thing I have to a "Harry" character the other night and found myself saying that I wasn't sure if I wanted the marriage and kids because I have so much freedom being single.  Unfortunately, I don't really take all that much advantage of the freedom. That's another point in my relation to Sally. She was in a relationship that neither wanted to get married nor wanted kids, because they had the freedom to fly off to Rome on a moment's notice or make love on the kitchen floor.  But they never did those things. And neither have I. I flew to Rome last year because my job sent me and the only reason I have been on my kitchen floor lately is to clean up the mess from my garbage disposal. I guess in the mean time before I, if ever, get the marriage and the kids, I should do what I can about spontaneity. I have no intention of doing anything on any floors, but making a trip out of the blue, well, yes, I do see this as a near possibility. Rome..who knows! Georgia? maybe! I'm going to take this Sally on a vacation and do something out of the blue until I meet my Harry. I hope you do the same!

2011...weird

So it is January 28th and this year is already chalked up to weird.  Let's start on the health side. I've had 6 ear infections in 5 weeks, okay 4 of them were in 2011 and 2 in 2010, but emphasis for dramatics needed.  I have had the flu, tubes put in my ears, antibiotic overload, yoga underload, and an overall pissed off attitude directed completely at my body, bones to skin, fingers to toes.  I received a new washing machine for Christmas and in 2011 had to replace it already.  I got a new cell phone, only to put a request in for a new one 6 days later because the one they sent me was well, a lemon.  I have had the electricity on the back half of my house removed, only to get the electricity company who was to fix it to not call me back. I use a flashlight to go to the bathroom downstairs and an extension cord to do laundry from the utility room to the kitchen.  My car has died on me and I had to buy a new battery. The 25 year old secret rendezvous'er I was having a very flirty relationship with and an occasional secret rendezvous has started to disappear via text, which makes it awkward when I see him daily 25 feet from where I work. 

Now, on to the other weird...My past has made an appearance in 2011. I can now wear shoes I couldn't wear comfortably 6 years ago with ease.  An old colleague of mine reappeared right after the first of the year and we met for drinks. I had neither seen nor heard from him in 5 years.  Reference the Unconditional Journey blog post.  After a wedding two weeks ago, as I was leaving the "after the reception" party at a hotel at 2 AM, I looked up and saw a fling I had when I went to Brazil who at the time lived in Dubai, had since moved to Malaysia and was originally from Scotland, standing in the middle of the lobby at a hotel in Houston. We hadn't spoken since Brazil, two and a half years ago.  Last Monday my phone in my office rang and on the other end was a guy I met on spring break in 1999 in Destin, Florida from Macon, Georgia and at the time I was living in Austin, Texas.  He found me 2 years later in 2001, we lost touch somewhere around 2003.  He found me again nearly 8 years later.  This past monday I signed on to Facebook having no idea I was logged on to "facebook chat", and the Italian stallion himself, Alessandro, popped up and invited me to come to Italy to visit him again to "finish what we started". Oh god!  If that's not strange enough, I woke up this morning to find an email from a man I haven't spoken to in nearly 6 years, who happened to be first guy I ever loved and my most significant relationship.  WHAT???  Is my past haunting me for a reason? Do I keep getting all of these illnesses because I have unfinished business from 1999, 2002, 2008 and 2010?  Who will pop up next?  I'm getting haunted by my overzealous past and amazed at this odd turn of events, well, backwards turn of events.

My 2011 so far, literally, will not let me move forward because I cannot seem to get well and it won't let me move on because my past is shamelessly reappearing.  I have been watching a lot of Sex and the City reruns lately and am wondering if this is why it is all happening. Are the stars aligning with the fact that I can now relate more than ever to their "30-something" references and I now have to repent for the stupidity of my 20s? No...I shall not regret what kept me free spirited, I will only use those experiences, not mistakes, to make for juicier ones in my 30s.  

Like I always say, I do not regret the things I have done, but those I have yet to do.  

However, with that said, to my past, if you choose to rear your head in 2011, do it with good stories to share with friends and strangers. Don't make me bury you with the denim vest and orange patent leather platforms of my wardrobe mistakes past. It is dark and cold in that vault and only a few are aloud to walk the streets with those memories. Sincerely, Me in 2011.

Unconditional Journey

Happy new year!!  I have started this new year off with quite a bang!  2 ear infections, sinusitis, a blown fuse box and 1 meltdown. But through it all I've kept a relatively positive and upbeat attitude about everything, despite the urge to scream once or twice.  So with that said, I've been at a loss for a blog update, I have had no great stories to retell of bad dates or embarrassing nights out. To each of you readers, I apologize in my boring behavior and promise I will do my best to take it up a notch soon. 

In the mean time, last night I had dinner with an old friend whom I haven't seen in nearly 5 years.  We caught up on life as it is now, mutual friends, the old workplace and the such.  He told me about what I can only describe as an amazing relationship with his wife. He's in love with her and it was so refreshing to hear a man talk that way about his wife. He used the phrase when discussing their life together as an "unconditional journey". He said he didn't come into this marriage with conditions or clauses, it was an unconditional journey they are taking together. I thought, what an amazing way to look at life.  So I am going to apply that to my own life. Now I may not have a relationship in the biblical sense right now to have an unconditional journey with, however, I do with my family, my friends and myself.  So I make no more apologies to my friends and family for the stupid things I say, the moronic acts I make and the self loathing scenarios I find myself more often than not. Why do I not apologize? Because we came into this relationship without clauses or conditions, we too are on an unconditional journey together.  My friends and family's journeys may include families, spouses, children, mortgages and responsible behavior, but they didn't ask that of me when they invited me into their lives.  I will unconditionally love them and their screaming children and their nagging spouses and their loving, yet usually unsolicited advise. In the mean time I will continue to muck up the dating scene with these men written for books which should be called "Unsuspecting poorly written men for the suspecting poorly esteemed woman".  I will not apologize for the behavior that ensues when I drink too much wine when I divulge these stories, and I will expect you (unless you are in fact expecting) to drink just as much alongside me. 

For this journey, friends, family and strangers, are on with me, I unconditionally invite you to explore the next chapter with me. 2011, may it bring laughter, tears, drama and a look into the single life reality and may you have the seat right next to me on the roller coaster through it. Cheers!