Monday, February 8, 2010

A Lesson in Blind Dating

So the whole thing that prompted me starting this blog when I did was a recent blind date I had.  I love when my friends think of me to set me up. There is such excitement in meeting new people, there is thrill of what to wear, what to discuss, what not to discuss, what to drink, how much to drink and then the curiosity about what will happen at the end of the date.    A couple of friends have set me up with some interesting characters in the past.  I am always flattered they think of me.  However, I have wondered, now are these set ups because we are really meant to be or are these set ups because we are the last two single people they know and so surely we have something in common.  Kind of like every gay man I meet I say I have the perfect guy friend of mine for them, because, well, he's gay.  Now I get it, since I have seen it thrust upon those of us still living the ever forbidden... SINGLE LIFE!

So the first blind date, let's call him Jeff.  Jeff was 38, older than anyone I have gone out with, but I'm not holding this against him. I was told he is good at wake boarding and skiing, two skills I lack entirely, but I recognize them as active and athletic, so I was intrigued.  After a few straight to the point emails with no personal information exchanged, we agree on a time and of course, on the place.  He suggested the Tasting Room, great bar for a wine night with your girlfriends, but inevitable for bad dates with me (I'm at 0 for 7 at this point).  "Maybe this guy will break the mold" I think to myself.  I put on a cute black sweater, I flip my hair, reapply the much needed under eye concealer and I head my merry way.  I meet him there, of course I am 5 minutes late, I never show up to a blind date early...I cringe at the idea of waiting alone for someone (I did this once before and he pretended not to see me at the bar, I was the only one at the bar... that was our only date).  So I walk in and Jeff introduces himself to me.  He's cute, he's kind of short, but so am I so there is no problem here.  He's a young looking 38.  We get a bottle of wine, my choice.  We sit down and the conversation centers around our recent international travels.  Clearly we are stretched here, but I literally knew nothing about this guy.  I tell him about my trip to the middle east, south america and my impending trip to Europe.  I think the date is getting better, but then again, so is the wine.  See I am trying to acquire a taste for red wine.  I had suggested a Pinot Noir that night, I took one look at him and knew white was not going to cut it.  As the wine started going down easier, so did our conversation.  But about 5 minutes after that bottle was done, so was our date.  

He walked me to the car, but not quite.  He gave me a side hug, and thanked me for a fun evening.  It was at this point I knew, that was the last I was going to see of Jeff.  But I was curious as to what went wrong?  Was it the fact I chose a new style that night? Long sleeved shirt under short sleeved sweater?  Was it because I was 5 minutes late? Could it be that I drank too slow or too fast or the fact I suggested the bottle instead of by the glass?  I was eager to learn what it was all about.  What had I done to not get "Let's do it again soon" or "I'll call you this weekend"??  Rest assured, I hadn't fallen for Jeff that night, but I hadn't shuttered at the idea him either.  Then I learned after about 2 weeks of knowing it wasn't going to happen, but still questioning the reason.  Dear ol' Jeff had a girlfriend.  Yep. To appease his sister in law and her friend, my friend, he agreed to take out a stranger on a blind wine date (what I like to call a blind drink) because he hadn't yet told them about so called girlfriend.

Now there are two scenarios here... one, he wasn't sure about his feelings for this girlfriend. or Two, this was the only excuse that could be created to let me down easy.  But in the end, if they had only figured out in the very beginning that all this time, dear Jeff wore Ed Hardy T-shirts, we could have avoided this situation altogether.

So, here's a lesson that should have been learned by both friends and myself.  One, ask if they are single before forcing them into a date.  Two, when the conversation only centers around travel and nobody is actually asking the other person questions, there isn't a connection.  Three, they say you can change a man's wardrobe but you can't change a man.  It is a different type of man that includes Ed Hardy in their wardrobe and rest assured, that man is not for me.

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